YetAnotherBrick: Posted My First Story on My Site

YetAnotherBrick 01.23.16	this is kinda my first real step into this world, besides posting shit on facebook and showing it all to my parents, so some unbiased perspectives would be a real godsend right now
ScuroFantasma 01.23.16	Interesting read, a round of applesauce
oltnabrick 01.23.16	good job
YetAnotherBrick 01.23.16	Thanks for reading it guys! And yeah I was trying to make the dialogue as natural-sounding as possible, I guess I prolly overthought it in some places, which can happen when all you're working with is dialogue haha
Tunaboy45 01.23.16	Good stuff
YetAnotherBrick 01.24.16	thanks dude
BlushfulHippocrene 01.24.16	Yeah, this was quite good, I was thoroughly engaged throughout. If I could find some criticisms, however, it would be with some of the grammar. Despite it being a subjective criticism of grammar, meaning I found nothing inherently wrong with it compounded with the fact that it's all dialogue, I do have some gripes with the use of question marks and commas. In quite a few cases I felt as though either of the two could've helped build emphasis through more effective and deliberate use. I also took issue with the following interruption: "I’m beginning to see how it was all kind of a process…" You use an elipses here to indicate interruption where later you use dashes, which I much prefer. (I apologise if in fact that was to indicate trailing off and the implication of interruption was misguided.) I know I'm being annoyingly nitpicky here, but I also feel as though the piece could've benefited from a tad more subtely in certain cases. Although the powder and apple sauce references were cool, at times they seemed a bit heavy-handed. That said, I also feel as though it could've benefited from stronger characterisation within the characters' respective dialogue. It was there, and I was impressed (such as with 'Honest Edith'), but I think it could've been taken a few (subtle) steps further. I also wish the tone were a bit more dramatic and the humour darker - making the payoff a bit more potent - but that's somewhat irrelevant. Hopefully that made sense and wasn't too subjective and off base. I loved the writing, and I'm incredibly impressed with what you accomplished with dialogue alone. I can't even begin to imagine writing this myself, which is always a good thing... I'd be terribly interested in reading more of your work, so please keep me updated where you can (and I'll try to keep checking the wordpress).
YetAnotherBrick 01.27.16	Wow, dude, sorry for not seeing this til now. Thank you so, so much for going into such detail. Yes, that elipses was meant to indicate a trailing off, but I'd say you're right about everything else. I'll definitely keep on editing this one, because I really like this idea, and I'd like it to be as powerful as possible. I'll try to add some more of that subtle characterization. To be honest, the characters just kinda came out of me as I was writing. All I knew was that it'd be two middle-aged women who'd been friends for a while. But I think I've got enough of a foundation here to really make them distinct. I'll post a list on here whenever I post something new, and thanks again, man! You have no idea how much I appreciate it.