Review Summary: Oh, Sonya. Your sexy live antics are no match for the mediocrity of TdV's music.
(This is the only Theatres Des Vampires album I have listened to in its entirety and thus I give them the benefit of the doubt regarding their other releases. I would also love to see them live, if just to see Sonya Scarlett's legendary live antics regarding blood drinking.)
While on a symphonic metal kick, I found this band on youtube. The video in question was their song off of Suicide Vampire "La Danse Macabre Du Vampire" set to pictures of the very hot lead singer Sonya Scarlett. I am not going to lie, that song is very, very good, and it inspired me to get the full album.
Holy crap. That was a mistake.
On Suicide Vampire, Theatres Des Vampires plays the Anne Rice angle harder than Dani Filth could ever dream of, single handedly validatign South Park's parody of the "vampire kids". The gimmick of mid-tempo minor-key theater organ parts wears off after the second or third song, and instrumentally that gimmick is the best offering. The guitar is neither melodic nor heavy, incorporating no solos, memorable riffs, hooks, or signs of life. The bass follows the same pattern. However, the drums are good...well, solid. They're alright...not BAD, per se...In any case, don't look for inspiring instrumentation on this album.
The vocals at least are delivered well. Fans of "gothic" (i use the term loosely) metal such as Cradle of Filth or Epica will be very pleased by the vocals, and I will admit I enjoy Sonya's screaming. The vocals will be oh so much better if you don't look up the lyrics, though. It is clear even from the casual first listen that the band, and vocals in particular, are making coherence and decent writing secondary objectives behind their primary goal of sexiness. The lyrics range from the dreadfully melodramatic:
"When the sky becomes dark
I come out from my coffin
In search of my new victim
Unholy passion... hot blood on my mouth
Pointed teeth on your neck
I feel your soul inside me"
(from the song "Queen of the Damned")
to trying far too hard to be offensive:
"Unholy bloody ***ing suckers
I'm your nightmare, your damnation
This night we rise to suck your blood
This night we rise to *** your soul"
(from the song "La Danse Macabre du Vampire")
Avoid this record, it's not worth it. Despite a few redeeming songs, such as Lilith Mater Inferorum, La Danse du Vampire, and, well, nothing else, the album as a whole is boring and gimmicky.
Alestorm has more lyrical depth, and they sing about wenches and sea monsters for Christ's sake.
I give it a 2/5, one for each of the good songs on the album. I'm feeling generous.
