Review Summary: Because life is a musical - even when you beat people up for a living.
It’s not something one thinks about very often in the world of professional wrestling, but music can play a large part in the goings-on of a wrestler’s character – in particular, the music that plays when they go to the ring. When Rick Derringer’s “Real American” blasted over the speakers in the eighties, everybody knew Hulk Hogan was on his way down to the squared circle. In the nineties, the sound of shattering glass meant that Stone Cold Steve Austin was preparing some form of ass-whooping for some unfortunate soul. Even this decade, a procession of trumpets welcomed Kurt Angle, the sound of a bleeping countdown signalled Chris Jericho’s appearance and Lemmy from Motorhead famously sneering “Time to play The Game” would bring out Triple H to the ring.
A great entrance theme can help make a wrestler instantly recognisable, and the WWE’s composer, Jim Johnston, has been doing a great job of this for decades. Even so, it boggles the mind as to why Johnston’s work has necessitated ten (read: TEN) compilations of these themes. The latest, entitled
A New Day, could possibly be the worst yet – irritating, over-produced and often quite ugly music reserved especially for some of WWE’s more forgettable superstars.
This isn’t to say Johnston has lost touch entirely – every theme here works perfectly for the wrestler that they are paired with. “Written In My Face”, for Irish wrestler and current WWE Champion Sheamus, packs punch with a great drop-tuned riff and melodramatic, thickly-accented lead vocals by Sean Jenness that matches the “Celtic warrior” demeanour to a T. MC Evan Jones also works wonders for the fierce, muscular Ezekiel Jackson on the track “Domination”. Despite a beat that lacks dimension and punch, Jones flows through with so many tough-guy rhyming couplets that you’d imagine John Cena is taking notes to follow up his laughable
You Can’t See Me record.
Purely from the perspective of songwriting, however, Johnston has worked up some atrocities here. Take “Radio”, which serves as the theme for ECW star Zack Ryder. His character, essentially, is an egocentric dimwit, and his theme reflects that with ease. “Every babe’s gonna want a piece of me/I stare into the mirror and I like the things I see”, sings Watt White in an unconvincing sneer. If this didn’t make him sound enough like an asshole, over a cheesy synth line and weak drums, he adds these brain-fryers into the mix: “I’m gonna drink some beer tonight/YEAH!/I’m gonna get some girls I like/I’m gonna wear my pants real tight.” Really? No wonder Ryder only takes about forty seconds to get to the ring – he doesn’t want anyone to hear the rest of his horrible theme.
“Insatiable”, the theme for ECW General Manager Tiffany, is also an embarrassment to listen to. The awful elementary keyboard and guitar aside, the vocals (provided by Patsy Grime) is riddled with so much AutoTune that even Ke$ha would tell her to settle down. The trend sadly continues for fellow WWE female wrestlers The Bella Twins, whose “You Can Look (But You Can’t Touch)” is an electro-pop anachronism – it could have been a chart-topper a decade ago, but here it just sounds stale. And exactly what the hell is up with Primo’s “Oh Puerto Rico”? WWE have always unfortunately enforced stereotypes (every black wrestler has a theme involving hip-hop, for example), but this song’s piss-weak salsa is a simply offensive listening experience.
A few tracks here, even in spite of some of Johnston’s worst work as a composer yet, make
A New Day worth checking out. The title track, the theme for the Legacy stable, certainly isn’t one of the most original numbers going around. Still, the song (performed by Adelitas Way) is easily the catchiest and most engaging thing here – the vocals strong in their melodies, the guitars tight and prominent and the drums splashing out at exactly the right moments. Maylene and the Sons of Disaster also make an interesting turn as they mash up the theme songs of The Big Show and Chris Jericho on “Crank The Walls Down”; and Cage 9 make an impression on “I Am Perfection”, the theme for one of WWE’s best young workers, the arrogant yet unfortunately named Dolph Ziggler.
A New Day is ultimately a fairly unnecessary release – a cash-grab for WWE fanatics more than anything. If you do end up spending the $3.99 to grab this from Amazon.com, know that only a third of the entire compilation is worth keeping – and that’s only if you’re a fan of Johnston’s work to begin with. And if you’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for you: nobody cares.
