Snide: A friend died (went to a memorial yesterday)

Snide 04.02.17	I'd like to note that on this list, I'm going to be deleting any inflammatory comments, which I don't normally do, but this list is for his memory and I don't want people who want to be edgy trying to ruin that.
butcherboy 04.02.17	I'm really sorry, dude.. it's screwed how the charismatic ones usually harbour sadness without others knowing..
onionbubs 04.02.17	my condolences dude
Snide 04.02.17	Everyone who was close to him knew he had these issues, but a lot figured that he'd be able to keep on keeping on, you know? It still hasn't registered with a lot of my friends that he's gone, and tears were flowing. Friends of mine who I thought I'd never see cry were just gushing tears.
Relinquished 04.02.17	RIP
Snake. 04.02.17	sorry to hear man ); RIP
Snide 04.02.17	@Butcher, Onion, Relinquished, and Snake: Thank you all for the condolences. He won't be forgotten, he had a wealth of people at his memorial and was surrounded by everyone who loved him.
budgie 04.02.17	thats a shit thing man. im his same age some sometimes lifes challenges seem to build up excessively. when everything seems too real i just remember reading this one description of the gauls from some roman historians account: "enduring levity of spirit"
Snide 04.02.17	@Budgie: Yeah, I don't want to assume but I think that's the point he was at when he ended his life. The build up was just too much. Now begins the grieving process for his family.
danielcardoso 04.02.17	This is terrible man, RIP.
Rigma 04.02.17	Deeply sorry for your loss Dalton, rest in peace.
EphemeralEternity 04.02.17	sorry for your loss dude, sad news indeed It's unfortunate how so often transient problems can precipitate an action with permanent consequences...but I'm sure we can all relate to that mental state to some degree. sometimes life seems perennially unbearable and all you want is to disappear, and I think people who label suicide as purely selfish, cowardly or weak simply cannot relate. This isn't some pro-suicide argument but I hope this guys soul has found solace now.
NorwichScene 04.02.17	RIP Taylor
FullOfSounds 04.02.17	Ah that's sad to hear :( Sorry dude
hobblepot 04.02.17	That's awful dude, even if you weren't super close with him, I know how it feels. Kind of unreal, hope you and his mates can find solace in the fact he isn't suffering anymore
Spec 04.02.17	Sorry dude. You're absolutely allowed to feel sad even if you weren't super close with him.
Snide 04.02.17	Thank you all so much for the condolences and sweet words. There is that comfort that he isn't suffering anymore, but there's also the guilt that just sits there with us about whether any of us could have done anything. I do wish I had been closer to him.
Spec 04.02.17	I started crying about my grandma last night in front of my girlfriend and her brother. Just fucking hit me out of nowhere, first time I've cried in years.
Snide 04.02.17	Spec I'm seriously so sorry to hear that, but sometimes crying is needed. We can't hold everything in, it's just completely unhealthy to keep feelings like that bottled up.
Spec 04.02.17	Not sure why I just made this about me but yeah it felt good I guess.
Spec 04.02.17	Losing a friend to suicide has to be absolutely devastating.
AngryLittleAlchemist 04.02.17	Damn sorry to hear that dude : ( and by suicide too ... god damn
EphemeralEternity 04.02.17	I know the feeling , but just know that he wouldn't want anyone to feel one ounce of guilt (unless it was one of those pathetic revenge suicides which i highly doubt)...invest time in others, and let them know you're happy to chat with them if they're ever feeling despondent and wanna talk about it with someone besides a paid professional (Assuming you are willing to do that obviously).
Snide 04.02.17	@Spec: It's not the first time I've lost a friend to suicide, but this is the first time I've ever gone to a memorial for someone who we all knew. We all were in the back corner seats of the chapel just holding each other and crying.
dreamgazing 04.02.17	Rest in peace, Taylor.
AngryLittleAlchemist 04.02.17	I can only imagine the amount of pain though especially from that type of death. Rip man, too soon.
Snide 04.02.17	@Angry and Dream: Thank you both for the condolences. @Ephemeral: That's what I'm kicking myself for not doing, I had been told about his issues but I never reached out.
EphemeralEternity 04.02.17	I lost 3 close friends to suicide from 2013-2014, that was probably the toughest period for me... plus considering they were all still teenagers. One of them I know broken up with his gf that night and did it mainly to spite her (besides some other underlying mental issues obviously)...she went through hell, had to drop out of school and ended up being a recluse for about a year because she felt directly culpable. It's very hard to think of him with anything other than contempt for doing that but at the same time he was always prone to bouts of depression and mania. On a positive note, I also talked a mate out of suicide early last yr when he called me to basically say his goodbyes...drove straight to his house and ended up going to the casino that night with him and winning a bit lol... he agreed to go on anti-depressants and he's loving life now as far as i can tell. p.s sorry for hijacking this list, it just got me in a reflective mood
Snide 04.02.17	"One of them I know broken up with his gf that night and did it mainly to spite her (besides some other underlying mental issues obviously)...she went through hell, had to drop out of school and ended up being a recluse for about a year because she felt directly culpable." This gives me some seriously familiar vibes, because a girl I went to high school with broke up with her boyfriend, and the boyfriend tried to kill himself several times (got landed in a mental hospital) and managed to succeed in doing so, and blamed her for it. It basically destroyed her and she hasn't been the same since. It's her birthday today, I'm gonna message her and see how she is.
EphemeralEternity 04.02.17	yeah that's a nice gesture, id say avoid speaking about the incident unless she brings it up.. I imagine she's probably done all she can to suppress the guilt and get on with her life
EphemeralEternity 04.02.17	also hindsight is 20/20 bro you can't hate yourself for not being a personal unpaid psych to everybody you know lol
Snide 04.02.17	Yeah I'm not gonna bring up the incident, I'm just gonna message her to see how she's doing and catch up. She lives in Utah so we only get to hang when she flies down to California to visit her family. Also I get that, but sometimes just an additional voice is all that's needed to pull someone out, and in the back of my mind I just wonder, ya know?
TVC15 04.02.17	That's really sad man. Does Taylor got any music? Would be interested in hearing him
Snide 04.02.17	@TVC: Honestly, I don't know whether he had anything recorded or not. I'd have to ask his brother. But if he does, I'll share it here. He was a gifted guitar player though, from the times I heard him play his acoustic when we were all hanging out in his parents basement.
Dedes 04.02.17	That's really sad man. Does Taylor got any music? Would be interested in hearing him (2) Suicide is terrifying, it's so easy yet so difficult to spot who desires to take their life. The only I can say is just spread the kindness and when in doubt talk to whoever you think may be suffering, maybe not directly about depression but even anything to lift their hopes. RIP your friend Snide, hope he's jamming Linkin Park with the big man in the sky.
Snide 04.02.17	I remember a while ago (maybe three, four years ago) we were all sitting in the basement at his house and I took my phone and turned the camera to the front camera and all 15+ of us down there tried to squeeze into the shot and we all sang "In the End" by Linkin Park together. It was the most tone deaf, terrible performance I've ever been a part of and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Dedes 04.02.17	I love them type of memories, like me and my friend singing Misery Business as out of tune as possible could be done. It's good to cherish little memories like that.
Snide 04.02.17	The little memories could always end up being big ones down the line ya know? I'm glad we're all sharing these experiences.
Dedes 04.02.17	You know even though you're music is pretty weak you're a really chill person. I rate snides personality an 8/10
Snide 04.02.17	Haha thanks man, I'm glad some people are able to get enjoyment out of my personality on here. I needed that compliment.
AngryLittleAlchemist 04.02.17	"You know even though you're music is pretty weak" Could have just erased that line entirely
Dedes 04.02.17	It was more like "I know I give you shit but you're actually really cool", but yeah I really should have. I honestly wouldn't have said that in real life so I don't know what compels me here. I guess I'm not what you'd call "socially adept"
Dedes 04.02.17	I mean I didn't upset him with that so it's probably not a huge deal.
Snide 04.02.17	None of us are truly socially adept let's be real here.
Dedes 04.02.17	Lol yeah that's true. It's kind of comforting actually.
Snide 04.02.17	There's nothing more comforting at times than being surrounded by a group of peers that you can relate to, friends or family, or both.
goblinilbog 04.01.18	Wow...this list is even more incredibly sad now that Chester took his own life as well. Just goes to show, famous or non-famous, we all face demons :(
artiswar 04.01.18	Everyone I've ever loved is dead now. It's a weird feeling. Cheers sput.
ScuroFantasma 04.01.18	Awful news man, my condolences
goblinilbog 04.01.18	Oh crap I didn't even notice this almost exactly a year to the day. Bad coincidence.