SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | Has this been done before? Whatever.
Link your worst review and state your case as to why it sucks.
And behave yourselves, please. |
twlight
01.22.23 | pretty much all of mine. i always look back and cringe. i tend to put out reviews for albums that i hope people will listen to, usually albums that don't have an existing review, regardless of if they like my review. i would like to be a better writer and might work on it.
there truly are some excellent writers on this site |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | Hey, not that it's a super objective metric, but 97% approval rating is pretty good. You must be doing something right. |
twlight
01.22.23 | Been on this site for over a decade. I've changed over the years but I leave it up to look back on. Now adays just want to be more kind to people. Troll as always but don't be cruel |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | That's honestly the best call to me. It's memories, as silly as that is.
I know people have their reasons, but deleting reviews just seems like a waste. Leave it up, I say.
And yeah, I've definitely mellowed out too. Probably cause I don't post as much anymore, so fewer chances to act a fool. |
Storm In A Teacup
01.22.23 | Oh yeah I have many horrid reviews but I discovered my worst recently |
twlight
01.22.23 | Don't delete em bro. Part of the sput potato essence |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | @Storm In A Teacup if you've got one in particular, post it here! Preferably with a note about why it's not so good.
@twlight For sure. The shit adds flavor. |
Kompys2000
01.22.23 | I'm dissatisfied with a majority of my reviews to one degree or another, but I think I have to give worst to my Baroness- Yellow and Green review from last year; I was stressed as hell and pulled in a million different directions when I wrote it and I think the review reflects that. clinches the title of worst for coming at a point in my reviewing career where I think I really could have done a whole lot better.
Dishnorable mention for my first review because 5ing Pantera is a dicey kickoff to a career as a music critic by any measure |
Storm In A Teacup
01.22.23 | https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/81061/Earth-Crisis-Slither/
My first review in idk prolly 15 years and where I was looking for advice on what to do in a Covid crisis and I just rambled and the closest I came to any kind of clarity was the quote “whatever, people didn't even know what kind of music they liked in the 2000s anyway” |
Storm In A Teacup
01.22.23 | But let’s be honest I’m one of the worst reviewers with 100+ reviews |
twlight
01.22.23 | idk man i like your reviews |
twlight
01.22.23 | https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/44813/Norma-Jean-O-God-the-Aftermath/
totally cringe for me
Norma Jean, and i have some serious bad takes on that one |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | Added, thank you both!
@Kompys2000 Leave it to a staffer to be the first to be critical of themselves.
@Storm You just gotta go back and fix all those � and you're golden |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | And to you as well, twilight! |
Manatea
01.22.23 | https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/85286/Banks-Arcade-Future-Lovers/
Very early review. I didn’t really know what I was doing at all and feel like I rated it way too high. It wasn’t necessarily badly written just all over the place and confused. I feel like I’ve gotten better though… |
twlight
01.22.23 | thanks!! great list |
CugnoBrasso
01.22.23 | Probably my review for Dose Your Dreams by Fucked Up. I can't pinpoint one thing that I don't like, but it's just not that pleasant to read. It might have to do with the fact that my English is clunky no matter how long I edit my write-ups. |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | Updated
@twlight Thank you!
@Manatea Pretty sure I read your Two Door Cinema Club review when you first posted it. Left you a retroactive well-written vote.
@CugnoBrasso I still haven't listened to Dose Your Dreams, I'm super far behind on Fucked Up. And sure enough, I even commented on your review of it! |
twlight
01.22.23 | Put links for your worst review. Will be a good list. |
CugnoBrasso
01.22.23 | Yeah, DYD is not an essential album, feel free to skip it. |
Dewinged
01.22.23 | Muna - About U
I absolutely hate that review. The album deserved better. |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | Updated.
At least it was early on, Dewi. Got your fuckup out of the way quick. |
sixdegrees
01.22.23 | all of them |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | Flip a coin and pick one. Indulge me. |
sixdegrees
01.22.23 | one of the deleted ones |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | I see. This poses a problem. |
someone
01.22.23 | i like how these talented writers are decrying their reviews but they're all just solid straightforward texts. kinda makes me mad at my writing skills
with that said, probably Muzz's s/t album for me. it reads now like a pretentious college student's creative writing class mid-semester writing. unncessarily big words and turns of phrase here and there, while barely getting the point across. bleh. not that the album deserves any better, but for my sake, it ain't good. and if i ever get to a point where i have a few hundred reviews here, i'll probably delete this one |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | @someone Never ever delete. Not exactly analogous, but I've deleted plenty of stupid early lists I wish I could get back, cause they were so shitty and horrible that it'd be hilarious to look back on. |
Mort.
01.22.23 | i dont have the strength to subject myself to reading my own reviews back, from memory loads of the early ones sucks |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.22.23 | Oh gosh
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/83989/Kayo-Dot-Moss-Grew-on-the-Swords-and-Plowshares-Alike/
A few candidates here, but gotta go with this one (ignoring everything I did pre-contrib bc this is cheating). Tough album to write about for sure, but I feel I missed the (huge) atmosphere of the whole thing and had a really screwy focus from point to point - spent too long hyping the album generally and critiquing it hyperspecifically, not long enough fleshing out substantiated praise, and and just too fuckin long being overly long as a whole. Sputnik always needs more fellatio revs for Kayo Dot but not like this |
Kompys2000
01.22.23 | Lmao bless you for correcting my typo up top Sandwich you're a man amongst wolves
Re:review deletion: Never forget, great writers write badly and edit well ;) |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | @Mort. When you find your strength, we'll be here.
@JohnnyoftheWell added!
@Kompys2000 I wasn't going to say anything, but yes, I hope you all don't mind if I fix spelling/formatting for your posts. I'll leave your lowercase i's alone, though. I know people like that. |
Parallels
01.22.23 | Probably my review for Dream Theater - Awake. I was gushing over it at the time but I couldn't put words together to actually critique it yet, so I wrote a concept tbt review with an inferred story of how the band members were recording the album based on the song's lyrical content. But even then I could have done it so much better, as it doesn't really tell a story at all, and the review itself is really just a disjointed mix of easy jabs, jokes too stupid to even be considered dad-tier, references that only DT fans would get, and an oft used Sputnik meme. |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | Updated
@Parallels Those high concept reviews will get ya for sure. |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.22.23 | Lol unironically prefer that Awake rev to the flagged one (defs a superficial meme write, but it hits that brief boi!) |
Kompys2000
01.22.23 | That Innocence Faded section reads like a Mark Prindle bit hahaha |
Parallels
01.22.23 | @Sandwich
Streuth
@Johnny
you would think that, you meme loving diction-anarchist (: TiesThatBind had the best review for Awake, I think.
@Kompys
Don't know who that is but I can only hope it's not terribly embarassing to be compared to them, lol. |
Kompys2000
01.22.23 | He was kinda the Robert Christgau of the web 1.0 era, his thing was exhaustively reviewing full discogs and lot of times he would get bored and spend a full review cracking dick jokes or talking about his day at work or spelling words wrong and making fun of himself for it (or otherwise just kinda goof on the artist in a confusing or surreal way). Very funny guy who could be incisive as hell when he wanted but every inch a product of his time |
Dewinged
01.22.23 | Oh if we are talking recent fuckups then Bjork's Fossora for sure. Not only it was poorly written, I also failed to convey well... everything.
It was so bad that I couldn't write anything until the december blurbs, it totally sent me to writer's block purgatory for a few months. |
pizzamachine
01.22.23 | Deathmoth Necromachine - Grim Void
I bullshitted this review as much as possible for the sake of lols. It worked, but consequently is a terrible review. |
Sinternet
01.22.23 | all my old reviews were ones I wrote that didn't end up going in my college newspaper for one reason or another so the standard was rather poor
i'll go for my first one on the site the melanie ,artinez one because it's pretty sloppy and the other really sloppy one (the robert miles one) is basically more of a tribute to the artist than a formal review of the album |
Flugmorph
01.22.23 | In my case its pretty clear i would say. |
someone
01.22.23 | speaking of college newspapers, i used to contribute music reviews to my high school newspaper and it was the shittest stuff ever, cause they just needed to fill the pages and nobody was reading music reviews of obscure stuff anyway. whenever they had plenty material for an issue (as infrequent as those were), my stuff got the boot. can't blame them, it was quite the embarrassing word salad |
Hyperion1001
01.22.23 | all of them probably |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | Updated |
ArsMoriendi
01.22.23 | Idk people don’t like my Burnt Weeny Sandwich one at all |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | Well, there's only one BWS review on sput. Is that one of your alt accounts? |
AsleepInTheBack
01.22.23 | All of mine / probably my third: Totorro's Home Alone. Everything from the awkward fumbled 'coffee' simile to the vague descriptors and formulaic structure s u c k s. |
Egarran
01.22.23 | I wrote one and people were like
pls don't do that again
so I gave them what they wanted |
SandwichBubble
01.22.23 | A man of the people.
Also updated. |
DungeonBoy
01.22.23 | I'd like to nominate whoever has the featured review of Agalloch's album Marrow of the Spirit. |
Emim
01.22.23 | All of them |
DadKungFu
01.22.23 | My run of Emmylou Harris reviews was supposed to have Wrecking Ball be the high point and what ended up coming out managed to be pretty pretentious while also saying nothing that wasn't said better in the other review.
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/84946/Emmylou-Harris-Wrecking-Ball/ |
Zac124
01.22.23 | Mine is definitely Cancer Culture by Decapitated. I just don't think that I worded my opinions on it very well. It reads really awkwardly to me, basically. |
tyman128
01.22.23 | https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/77276/Breaking-Benjamin-Ember/
It might be a bit unfair to put literally my second review ever on here, but I'm sticking to it. Back in the early days of reviewing, I was super compartmentalized with my reviewing, choosing only to focus on specific things in each section of my review... which severely damaged the flow of my writing. I think what really makes me hate this review is just how wrong I was lol. I'm not saying it was written super poorly, but my statements on the record are so far removed from my actual opinions today. Basically, if you read this review, just reverse about every opinion-like sentence I wrote, that reflects my thoughts on it today. |
mrdogthrow
01.22.23 | I certainly don't hold any of my reviews to any high standards since I half ass wrote them in highschool and never strived for any improvement
and this one certainly doesnt help lol
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/75887/Versus-My-Phobia-The-Journey/
(I actually ended up talking to the guy that made this album a couple years back who found this review and he thought it was hilarious, so theres that at least) |
mrdogthrow
01.22.23 | I also remember making a god awful chelsea grin review that I sincerely no one here remembers and I ended up getting that deleted |
Get Low
01.22.23 | My worst one is probably my Cherri Bomb - Stark review, because I talked too much about the context and aftermath of the EP and not enough about the music itself. |
ArsMoriendi
01.22.23 | “ Well, there's only one BWS review on sput. Is that one of your alt accounts?”
I think I may have had the mods delete it lol forgot til now |
artificialbrain
01.22.23 | Less reviews more brain pls |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.23.23 | Omg no Eg's Hath review is a classic |
Storm In A Teacup
01.23.23 | On snap |
fogza
01.23.23 | I deleted my worst reviews but some of them that remain are too adjective soup. I think my Mary Lou Lord one is pretty bad, and my Kristin Hersh one for Sunny Border Blue doesn't do the album justice. |
ffs
01.23.23 | theyre pretty much all trash but in recent memory its ossuary - supreme degradation. i tried to build on an experience i had visiting an actual ossuary in the czech republic but failed to actually tie it in to the review. far too much overly flowery descriptions of stuff that didnt need it too. we take the L and move on |
mkmusic1995
01.23.23 | My T-Swift midnights review is god awful |
kildare
01.23.23 | Definitely Youth Code and King Josef's "A Skeleton Key in the Doors of Depression". I was just bitching on that one. I should go back and redo it for the sake of the band, but I was kinda waiting for someone to write a counter review.... |
TheSonomaDude
01.23.23 | I’m assuming most of mine, considering 3-5 of my reviews were written during my freshman year of high school |
Borracho
01.23.23 | I guess my other one |
SandwichBubble
01.23.23 | Okay, if you want your review on the list, you gotta be specific and post ONE. I can't read your minds.
Also, I've apparently started a mini-trend:
Kompys' What's Your BEST Review? list: https://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?memberid=1068436&listid=202295
someone's REVIEWING your worst REVIEWS list: https://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?listid=202301&memberid=1211569
And thanks for the feature.
|
JesperL
01.23.23 | been going through some of these and idk maybe i don't have standards but most rly aren't all that bad!! esp that midnights rev is kinda fire (for the wrong reasons but u know fire is fire)
anyway, not including stuff i wrote pre-contrib i rly dislike this one: https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/83832/A-Ritual-Sea-A-Ritual-Sea/
bc it's just the most autopiloted gaze review ever: i love short reviews but this one has no substance whatsoever and short bois need substance to survive so yea fuck this one |
Scoot
01.23.23 | it's not one of mine but weepingbanana once wrote "i whole lotta love this song" in a led zeppelin review |
Scoot
01.23.23 | also good to see ffs again, the comedic champ of sputnik |
Tundra
01.23.23 | All mine suck so take your pick |
SandwichBubble
01.24.23 | I'll bump this a few more times. Any others? |
TheSonomaDude
01.24.23 | https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/61662/Sahara-Texarkana/
My first review, I was 14 and a freshman in high school. It's a pretty average track-by-track, and I tried pretending it wasn't my old band for some reason when I clearly was involved in the project. How the hell would I know about some of these minor obscure details? I think I was pretty proud to have released a feature lengthed LP as a 4th grader and wanted the world to know of my creative genius. Look where it got me. |
Uzumaki
01.24.23 | My worst? The one that’s never written, because I never can figure how to get more in-depth and really strike a tone about an album beyond “it’s good/bad” or “I liked it”. |
Jots
01.24.23 | https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/63740/cyberbully-mom-club-outdoor-activities/
pre-contrib: probably this one. a bunch of my earlier reviews were very … idk, developmental.
this is one of many where I try to explain the “essence” of why the album is good, but I was v rough with it. it’s a nothingburger review |
Jots
01.24.23 | https://www.sputnikmusic.com/review/70382/Drose-Boy-Man-Machine/
contrib/staff era: maybe this one? mostly, I think I missed the mark with this. idk if the review itself is all that bad, but I don’t think I made a super convincing argument, and in hindsight I’ve come to disagree with it. which is rare for me - I don’t normally 180 on albums I review |
Tundra
01.24.23 | I suppose that Lee McKinney one is the most shit of my shitty reviews |
SandwichBubble
01.24.23 | Updated. |
SandwichBubble
01.25.23 | Alright, last bump. Thank you to everyone above for contributing! |
AsleepInTheBack
01.25.23 | And now we await someone’s judgement… |
sonictheplumber
01.25.23 | bulk of my reviews were written between ages 11-14 so they pretty much all suck |
FadedSun
01.28.23 | I only wrote one review, and 6 out 6 people liked it. I'm going to stay there haha. |