Fund my novel!!!! thanks
Hi! I’m writing a novel! Unfortunately due to circumstances of accommodation deprivation, not having a laptop and my beast requiring me to travel to conduct interviews and take photos and pay models and shit, I don’t have any money. Work at the ‘co-ordinated harassment campaign” just isn’t coming, the factory is going broke. Neither do you and you’re probably worse off than I am. This is probably going to be a failed venture. Oh god. List is digz. |
| 1 |  | Aaron Dilloway
The Gag File
The book is a “novel” of “ideas” loosely strung together by the barest semblance of a “plot”, which is hackneyed and cliched. There are elements of bildungsroman and romance (of the bisexual variety, so the maximum amount of people can beat off to it) I guess, although no hugging no learning. There are pictures. Most of them will be in black and white and degraded, in case you harboured any doubts about just how creatively moribund and cynical I have become. The exceptions will be the cover and the back page. The photographs will be haunting and pretty. |
| 2 |  | Will Guthrie
People Pleaser
Themes! Themes include mental illness, memory, sexuality, the colonial violence that underpins New Zealand, how cool Ana Hato is, Ana Hato, lots of Ana Hato, the appeal of self-destruction, racism, and Ana Hato. |
| 3 |  | Ana Hato & Deane Waretini
The Great Songs of Ana Hato and Deane Waretini
Regardless of what happens I’ll probably post it here because Ana Hato is an intrinsic component of the novel. It will then be swiftly deleted for being 180,000 barely coherent words. I will say it’s self-publishing of samizdat at its finest and thus will I continue to sleep during the night. |
| 4 |  | Iannis Xenakis
1: Chamber Music 1955-1990
REWARDS: $1. I will write you a personalized email haranguing you for giving me so little. “You think this chump change will suffice? Is this a joke? I’m creating ART” will be the rough template, with classic insults like “douchequeef” and “polynesian anal disease” thrown in. I’ll force myself to listen to Iannis Xenakis while I write it for maximum acerbity. |
| 5 |  | Sky Ferreira
Night Time, My Time: B-Sides - Part 1
$5. I will send you a nude photograph of myself. (This is the least popular, err, package.) |
| 6 | | Baio
Man of the World
$10. I WON’T send you a nude photograph of myself. (By far the most popular package). |
| 7 |  | Afterbirth
Psychopathic Embryotomy
$35. Identical in every way to the $10 package, except you have to pay this much if our politics and ideology differs even slightly to accommodate the emotional labour involved in accepting money from t h e e n e m y. Profoundly unpopular, considering removeing it. |
| 8 |  | The National
Sleep Well Beast
$50. I’ll skype u and air-guitar to the lovely lilting guitar work in “Guilty Party”. |
| 9 |  | Male Rape Group
On to 83
$100. I’ll become Not RacistTM and value every member of our society equally. I will, in fact, stop seeing colour entirely, which is to say I will blind myself like Oedipus. I will not, however, have sex with my mother (that’s a later package). |
| 10 |  | Nine Inch Nails
The Downward Spiral
$500. I’ll show you how a dyspraxic person tries to tie a noose. It’s hilarious. Trust me. |
| 11 |  | Radiohead
OKNOTOK 1997-2017
$1000. I don’t really know at this stage. We’ll think of something. |
| 12 | | Mark Kozelek
Yellow Kitchen
$10,000. I will give you joint custody of my second-born child. You’ll get to be the cool Dad or Mum that let’s them stay up late and eat as much candy as they want and I’ll be the lame Dad that strictly enforces bedtime rules and makes them eat their broccoli if they want dessert. You’ll let them watch Terminator and I’ll try and dissuade them from watching anything but Thomas the Tank Engine re-runs until they turn ten. Eventually you’ll pit yourselves against me and they’ll choose to live with you, until they realise boundaries can actually be good and come back to me in a month. It’ll be a tender reunion. Real kodak moment. |
| 13 |  | Knocked Loose/Damaged Goods
Split EP
$100,000. If u commit a heinous crime I’ll let you be a fugitive in my house until the whole antiquated “murder and armed robbery are illegal and unethical” kerfuffle blows over. |
| 14 | | Various Artists
What Remains of Eden
I don’t know realistically I’ll probably never be published and it won’t even be very good but also I do think there’s tremendous and vital merit in rendering mental illness accurately, without bullshit feelgoodery, and in exploring colonial scars and I’m an o.k. writer and I think I might be on to something. |
| 15 | | Taku Sugimoto
Solo
I may spend your hard-earned money on coffee, booze and/or smokes but please, allow me my tiny pleasures. I won’t spend it on Klono or Ritties because I have a legal script for both now. Hell yeah. |
| 16 |  | Laurel Halo
Dust
I don’t know it's been a tough year and attempts to get a job have failed because of my reputation. |
| 17 |  | Mo*Te
Life in a Peaceful New World
But I don’t have a sob story because I did some bad shit and got my due comeuppance and I accept that but at the same time it would be nice to afford to eat y’know. |
| 18 |  | Anthony Braxton
Four Compositions (Quartet) 1983
Like everyone else here I’m lost, a little fucked-up and this is my way of coping with it and hopefully understanding it and providing solace to everyone out there who feels, rightly or wrongly, alienated or out of sync or miserable or broken. |
| 19 |  | Chief Keef
Thot Breaker
Because there is beauty and strength and delicacy in your misery and you are still wonderful and fuck anyone who tells you otherwise |
| 20 |  | Talk Talk
Laughing Stock
Oh yeah if u donate to me I’ll send u a hardcover copy if it gets published. I’ll either sign it or draw a dick or vulva in it, depending on ur preference. Idk. |
| 21 |  | My Bloody Valentine
Loveless
tfw no Creation Records to bankrupt to fuel my creative endeavours :((((( |
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