Review Summary: A band called “Godzilla” with Predator on the album cover art? This must be awesome! Right?...right?
If I had seen this album sitting on store shelves back in ’89, I would have gladly spent my weekly allowance on it. I mean, c’mon dude! Godzilla and Predator? In the metal section of the store no less? In actuality, I never saw this album on the shelves and up until an hour ago, I had no clue this album existed. I simply typed “Godzilla” into the Sputnikmusic.com search bar out of pure banal and this popped up. I saw the cover, went “duuuuuude” and looked it up on YouTube.
Getting right down to the bottom line, Godzilla is just another glam/hair metal band with a hint of 80’s invasion heavy metal, but things go beyond that. Godzilla’s first album is, quite reasonably, the most sleep-inducingly generic and stock thing in existence. Absolutely no effort was put into this, no risks were taken, no cognitive thought went into writing any track on this record. If you want a good comparison for what this album sounds like, listen to any of Pantera’s first three albums; yah, back when Pantera were glam. In fact, the entire time I was listening to this, I kept thinking of Pantera’s debut, Metal Magic, which is the only thing that could possibly be higher than Godzilla on the generic-o-meter. I’m really not sure how to describe this album other than calling it generic and boring. If you've heard any glam metal, like, ever, than you've heard Godzilla. If you've seen a still photograph of a glam metal band, then you've heard Godzilla. If you've seen Dee Snider complain about stuff on The Apprentice, then you've heard Godzilla.
Let’s get out our handy-dandy hair metal checklist and mark down the list, shall we. Songs about loving girls? Check. Songs about a bad girlfriend? Check. Songs declaring how badass and unstoppable the band is? Check. A ***ty ballad about a girl? Check. A sound that’s identical to every other glam metal act in the world? Check. Do the band members have poofy hair, all the makeup in Slap-Ass The Clown’s kit, and tight brightly colored jeans? It's highly likely, but I can’t find a single snapshot of these guys anywhere, so they’ll slide on that one.
Seriously, how many times have we heard this riff? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlojL_SHCCU
The album comes in at only 29 minutes, which is isn't surprising the least. With many of the songs only being about two-and-a-half minutes long (with one 90 second long song called “Don’t Stop The Boogie”), Godzilla might be a painful album, but I’m thinking the band for at least abridging our torment. Honestly, I would love to have sat in on the creative/recording process of this album. It makes me wonder if they just sat around a room with a cassette player listening to Poison, Whitesnake, pre-Phil Pantera, and Motley Crew, and every 30 seconds somebody would shout “hey, let’s do that!” and the manager would write it down on a piece of paper. In actuality, Godzilla’s debut is far below any of those bands listed above (minus pre-Phil Pantera) to the point of where Steel Panther can be taken more seriously than these kids. Scratch that, Steel Panther’s early years, Metal Skool, had more dignity than Godzilla. Hell, even Anal Cunt’s glam spoof, “***in A”, is better than this crap.
I’ll give it this: lead guitarist is pretty talented...yet another similarity to Metal Magic. Ingo Nowotny can shred for sure, but he doesn’t carry the band on his shoulders and he doesn’t rescue this abysmal piece of rubbish. He's also the only band member that doesn't go by a derisory stage name. Also, the title track is listenable for a few seconds until the terrible synth-lead sound takes over.
I’d say avoid this record at all costs, but you’d never find it anyways. In fact, I’m to blame for introducing it to you. So…I guess I’m sorry.
