Review Summary: Please, someone put this band out of their misery.
(hed)PE – New World Orphans
The worst reviews you have to write as a reviewer are the one where you have to give the band utter ***. It’s even worse when you get the album as a free courtesy from a label (I apologise to the guy that sent this to me. Sorry dude!) But you have to understand, sometimes, a band has to take a fair knocking and beating in a review; and the band that is the subject of this review aren’t even close to be let off the hook for this one. Because the people that produced this record, well, let’s just say you have to be on crack to produce this.
Musically (hed)pe play some weird hybrid of nu-metal, hip-hop, punk, and I even caught a fast solo section a la Dream Theater in Planet X. But this is a jarring mix. This isn’t the fluent stylish mix produced by some glossy producer where the elements are seamlessly intertwined to form a new whole. No, this is as terrible as it gets. This album is the aural equivalent of taking the worst bits of Rage Against the Machine, any hip-hop artist ever, the Ramones, Linkin Park, some guy screaming his ass off, and some terribly inane lyrics worthy of 5th grade. Yes, it’s that bad. Yes, this is time to run away. This mix isn’t ironic or funny. It’s just terribly annoying, and an excuse to pick up a shotgun and find the person that made this.
They don’t have the decency to stick styles to a track and then make the next track a different one, either. No, this manages to throw hip-hop elements all over good punk rock songs or good metal songs, and then it suddenly implodes; it’s like fire versus water, except the whole thing just fizzles out. You know, they will play a hip-hop song and then midway launch into a punk section or useless metal screaming, and then come back to a bad sample of someone talking about government conspiracies. Just what the hell is going on here, and why didn’t someone hit the stop button before it was recorded? There are excuses for some bad music, but this is a conscious attempt by the band to be a complete bunch of douchebags on the whole record. It’s not appreciated, ***os.
I have to mention the lyrics though; there are a few “gems” on this record. If you thought Soulja Boy’s “Crank dat ho” was the limit, get a load of this stuff.
*** that pussy emo *** / those faggots suck so much dick / it makes me sick is one of the cornerstone lyrics of “Stepping Stone”. Yes, I’m not kidding you. Someone actually recorded that lyric for this album. Here’s another beauty:
No, I don’t wanna talk, kiss, marry or date you. I just wanna tie you up and date rape you. I’ll take you home and I’ll *** you dead. I’m a GD freak; I’m ***ed up in the head…talk about complex lyrics. I think an orphaned baby could do better. Wait, I’m sure of it. Here’s another one.
I’ll make him feel like a rock star and *** him like a porno bitch…I just wanna *** you. I’m not joking. This band is telling me someone (a GIRL) joined the band to record this? I’ve seen levels of degrading but this just takes the cake.
In conclusion, if you have the nerve to get or like this, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. This is probably one of the few times I’m ever going to hand out a one rating, and let me say, when I did that for Between the Buried and Me, they were bad, but they weren’t this bad, and I now sincerely regret that deed. No, I’m reserving the dreaded 1 rating for these ***os instead. Please, in the name of your retarded Truth Movement (what the hell is this pretentious bull*** about anyway) do the world a favour and stop recording. Fast. We’ll all be thankful. And baby orphaned Jesus will be too. In fact, I think he’ll be delighted.
This might be the only time you see me say this, but I hope anarchy rapes this band up the butt.
1 weeping orphan out of 10.
