Review Summary: An open letter for my son Billy.
It was a cold Friday night and I was out in the dark; I didn’t know my destination, so I hit the pub. There was an old hooker I liked to call Ms. Axel Greaser hanging by the lamppost; I asked if she wanted to go for a ride - she said, “Let’s hit the road baby”. The nunce I am, I dropped my keys, but I grabbed them quick and we hit the road. I turned on the radio and Metric’s new album was playing. I don’t really remember the album, we were too busy “doing things” to pay attention and we were really drunk and I crashed the car cause I was an idiot.
Later when I came home, I tried to explain to my wife why I crashed my car but she knew something was up. So she left me and took the kids which I will always regret. Anyway, I decided to listen to Metric’s new album to make me remember good memories but it didn’t work. The album was just as forgettable as before, and I guess it was cool, but it just didn’t hit. It sounded like they wanted to be ABBA, Madonna, Arcade Fire, and every pop artist/indie pop/indie artist ever. It was just alright, and I longed for better times. It made me realize what a sad wreck I was, so I entertained myself better by drowning out my sorrow in a few large bottles of brandy (don’t tell your mom).
For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about Metric’s new album. There was one cool song that was super long, but it was four minutes too long even though it did some cool electronic type of ***, I don’t know, I don’t really listen to music much. Son, I’m telling you this story so you don’t follow in my footsteps alright? Just forget about your old man and you’ll get along fine… that’s a good boy. So anyway, yeah, the album sounded good and maybe if I was in a better mood it would’ve brought me some happiness, but you know how I was then, not enough super smooth melodies or catchy choruses could be enough to wake me from my sorrow, no matter how charming the music was.
I am an old man now, and I want you to have my copy of Metric’s Formentera as a reminder of your Dad’s mistakes. Perhaps you will be able to receive joy from the music as I should have, but I was not sober minded. I was a fool. I should have never lost you or mom. No apology will ever make up for what I did. As you know, no cool electronics, catchy drum beats, perfectly strummed and nicely recorded guitars, or beautiful, effortless vocals combined in a cute pop/rock/electronic album, with songwriting designed to get your toe tapping could possibly lift my spirits. The only spirit I will lift now is a bottle of brandy as I sink into oblivion. The album is actually really good and I wish I saw that sooner. The album is very repetitive but it’s a pop album ya know? Anyway, now you know everything and why you don’t deserve me. I wish I didn’t lose you and mother. I have a lot of regrets.
Sincerely,
Dad
