Review Summary: I’d be concerned if your kids liked this.
The fact I decided to sit down and write a serious review about this dumpster fire band is a clear indication of my pettiness. I reviewed Will Never Die in 2010, and tried my best to forget the band existed afterwards. However, they truly never died, and the curse continues.
Brokencyde have returned. The death of music lies in their wake, and the scales of time shatter in their presence. In the year of our lord - 2022 - consequences will never be the same.
In this abomination, uhh I mean EP, the pig on the artwork may have died, but Brokencyde’s ancient meme style is still alive like a baby Xenomorph bursting out of a corpse. Back on the scene with the most average hip-hop beats, and growls reminiscent of
Attack Attack!, this is the most they’ve sounded like themselves since Will Never Die. Of course, that’s a terrible thing, but if you’re nostalgic for this band, this EP will bring you back to the days of Philosoraptor, and getting rick rolled for the first time - god, I’m old.
Self-called the Crunk kings, it’s amazing how lazy their music is. They make fat beats, and know how to growl, but everything else that follows is truly uninspiring. Going Ghost has terrible singing, and that’s despite using Auto-Tune past the point of sounding human. That song has the worst singing performance, but of course the rest of the EP is equally horrid. By now, if it were any other “band” I could’ve expected some better singing, but welcome to Hell. Brokencyde are no band, they are demons seeking to ruin your day with music created from the farts of their pet Hell hound.
Prepare your virgin ears for such classic lyricisms as,
Make me go ooo
I make her go ahhhh
How your boy do
Butter on your biscuits baby
Give no attitude.
Music and lyrics don’t get much worse than this EP. Brokencyde are still terrible in 2022, and that is a sentence I never thought I would write. ***. This. This is the dollar store equivalent of hip-hop music, and that’s being generous. I wouldn’t grab this if I saw it on the shelf.
Nothing as original or fun as their 2009 album is in this album. Try as they might, the EP sounds like the ghost of Brokencyde come to haunt naysayers of the band. The thing about ghosts is they are a shell of what they used to be. This paragraph wrote itself which is ironic, because I wrote off Brokencyde a long time ago. Every copy of this EP should be burned or sent to people you hate to torture them. Enjoy the insta 1 folks, you don’t see this kind of thing every day. Merry Christmas!
