neekafat
05.30.18 | That's enough I suppose |
DinosaurJones
05.30.18 | I feel ya, bro. I want to commiserate and share my experience, but I don't want to hijack your thread. I'm sorry to hear about it though, neekafam. |
neekafat
05.30.18 | My thread is non-existent as of yet, pull up a seat and let it out Dinobro |
someguest
05.30.18 | Fuck her a few more times. Give her a real send off. |
neekafat
05.30.18 | you right |
DinosaurJones
05.30.18 | Hahaha, if you say so...
So late last year, I met a girl on a dating website (which I pretty much had given up on at the time). We started hanging out and pretty much immediately clicked, and I started to develop feelings for her. I felt like it was mutual, but she also had a lot of issues... she was still hung up on her ex, and I didn't want to press the issue. I tried to help her navigate the muddy waters as best I could, and at that point I was really just trying to be a good friend, which I think she needed more than anything else.
You guys know that I had some issues at the start of this year, my life got hectic, I wrecked my car and had to move, and just generally had a lot of life shit going on. Jessica and I lost touch, I wasn't as good about staying in touch with her as I should have been because I needed to focus on myself a bit.
Just last week, we started talking again. She came out on Saturday to see my band play, we spent the entire day together. She was at the first show, we went and did an Escape room together, she hung out while I did a second impromptu gig that my buddy and I got roped into... we spent like 12 hours together, and it was awesome. It felt like neither of us had missed a beat. All of my friends were like "The tension between the two of you is ridiculous, fucking sack up and kiss her or ask her out or do SOMETHING, you dumb fuck." (I may or may not have confidence issues)
We also spent a couple of hours together on Sunday, and I just decided to lay it out on the line when she fucking starting sending me pics which I did not ask for, because I couldn't even fathom myself asking for that. I told her that I really like her, I feel like the feeling is mutual, and I think we should give the whole "going steady" thing a shot.
So basically last night, I was up until 5:30 am talking to her, and she gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech, which I find valid. She also told me that she used to be a pretty serious heroin user and that's why she withdrew from me the first time. I'm straight-edge, so... I dunno, that seems like a pretty big deal to me. But I DO really like her, and I care about her... she told me she has feelings for me, but she doesn't want to screw it up (you know, the friend zone speech). But we were really open and honest with each other, and my feelings haven't changed, and there's a chance things could change in the future. I can't help but get my hopes up, but I also know that I'm really fucking liable to get burned.
THAT'S WHERE I'M AT. |
someguest
05.30.18 | "she used to be a pretty serious heroin user"
abort |
DinosaurJones
05.30.18 | *ahem* tasteful pics. I would say more like tease pics, nothing exposed, but it was awfully close. |
neekafat
05.30.18 | UGh dude that's total ass I'm sorry |
Snake.
05.30.18 | ily neeka
i haven't seen my gf in almost three weeks and my anxiety has been fucking awful for the past few days because i haven't even gotten the time to recuperate with old friends that i haven't seen in a while to take my mind off of her not being here |
neekafat
05.30.18 | That's the worst man, technically I haven't seen this girl in like a month which isn't helping |
DinosaurJones
05.30.18 | Yeah, brotha, I'm in a weird head space about it. I guess I'm just going to see what the future holds... hopefully I don't get myself too lost or wrapped up. |
osmark86
05.30.18 | "she used to be a pretty serious heroin user"
Swimming with sharkigators there mate |
BlazinBlitzer
05.30.18 | I've never been in a relationship that lasted over two weeks so I can't help you guys out all that much, but I wish all the best for you, whether you break up with your gf's or not.
You might need a little National in your list if you ever get into them. |
bgillesp
05.30.18 | Was her name Georgia? Or from Georgia? |
bgillesp
05.30.18 | Also, I feel you @Snake. I hadn't gotten to see my fiancée for 3 weeks until yesterday, and the anxiety was rough |
neekafat
05.30.18 | Nah Georgia is just a really bittersweet song for me
And sorry Blitzer, that's really rough :c I might get more specific for you all when this is finally over. I say 90% sure we're done though |
Papa Universe
05.30.18 | I'd say it sucks, but you know that already. |
cold
05.30.18 | I once had a girlfriend try to stab me with a broken 211 bottle, so hey, it could always be w o r s e
:] |
DinosaurJones
05.30.18 | Damn, sorry, Neekafam. |
guitarded_chuck
05.30.18 | staying up till 530am arguing with a broad is the definition of too wrapped up homie ngl |
cold
05.30.18 | "staying up till 530am arguing with a broad is the definition of too wrapped up homie ngl"
Didn't you have to work the following morning, Dino? |
WatchItExplode
05.30.18 | I can say with 100% confidence that it is far better to be alone than to force a relationship. Just chill.
I'll leave this here for anyone interested in some wallowing:
Semisonic - The Great Divide |
BlushfulHippocrene
05.30.18 | Aw Neeka... I love you, here to talk if you ever need. |
CugnoBrasso
05.30.18 | Here Neeks, take my heterosexual support fam! |
bgillesp
05.30.18 | You gonna be alright friend. Sorry for you though |
LethalPaintball
05.30.18 | been in the same boat for a month and a half so cheers |
DinosaurJones
05.30.18 | Si. I work from home though. |
neekafat
05.30.18 | Thanks all < 3
Yeah it was two amazing weeks followed by two enh weeks followed by this shit
And I can't blame Dino, I've pulled that shit plenty of times |
DinosaurJones
05.30.18 | You ever have those moments where you're 90% sure you're being an idiot, but that remaining 10% is still hopeful as hell? That's where I'm at! I'm also extremely sleep deprived, which probably isn't helping matters. |
cold
05.30.18 | do you ever feel like no one is ever going to love you and that's why every person you encounter in life and get close to inevitably leaves you one way or another and you'll grow old and die alone and your body will take months to be discovered?
askin 4 friend |
neekafat
05.30.18 | no |
cold
05.30.18 | fuck |
Alastor
05.30.18 | love yourself. |
LethalPaintball
05.30.18 | [2] |
Aberf
05.30.18 | [3] loving yourself before moving somebody |
OldCrime
05.30.18 | Anxiety seems like a weird feeling to have when you're away from your partner. What's that about? Care to elaborate? |
Sowing
05.30.18 | Two of the nicest users around feeling heartbroken...sucks. Neeka/Dino, I used to feel the same way all the time and I was constantly either friend-zoned by girls I idolized or shooting myself in the foot with nice girls I actually had a chance with. It's probably not the most solid advice so feel free to take it or leave it, but what worked for me personally was taking a very shallow/basic approach to things. Get to know a girl, take a shot within a week or so, and if it doesn't pan out then just forget her and move on. It saved me a lot of grief and also built my confidence because I wasn't getting devastated by losing out on these year(s) long investments (rejection happens more frequently with my approach and still hurts, but not as much when you've only known them a short time and have an 'onto the next' mentality). I'm not saying try to be a player or anything, but just keep yourself occupied - put yourself in social situations with or without your friends multiple times a week. What I found was that I was (1) keeping myself constantly busy, which was good for my social life and mental health, and (2) projecting to girls who maybe weren't at first interested that I have a lot going on besides them, which actually drew delayed interest on some of their parts. I am rambling but the gist is rejection hurts the most when you've invested a ton of emotion in someone (this is a good thing ultimately, but you have to leave your guard up at first), so sometimes it's best to keep things extremely casual, build your self-confidence and image, and then wait for things to unfold how they may. It took me hitting rock bottom, falling into this months-long, flirtatious infatuation with a girl that ultimately wouldn't commit to me, to start focusing on myself. I told her I was done, exercised constantly, and then would make any excuse to go out for beers with my friends. Just stayed busy, constantly. It was odd how quickly I went from feeling like no women were interested in me to feeling like I was the one being fought over. I dunno, def take the time to heal b/c that's important as well, but ultimately decide what is best for you and put an emphasis on that for a while. |
DinosaurJones
05.31.18 | Thanks a lot, Sowing :]
I've really been working on bettering myself in general, even before the girl came (back) into my life. Just getting more into practicing/writing on guitar and bass, jamming with my band, working, eating cleaner, getting more exercise...
I'm hoping things work out for the best in my romantic situation, but if it doesn't I've been there before, and I can get over it. Thank you for your kind words & advice though. |
neekafat
05.31.18 | That's beautiful man, thank you for sharing < 3
This relationship sucks because I feel like that was my approach to it... Like we started off super casual, meeting on a set, then hanging out once before she went back home (she lives across the country). We were just friends for a while before i admitted I had feelings for her, and then she admitted she had them back for me. We just worked on building that closeness until I found an excuse to get her back over here to shoot something for me and we just clicked even more and decided to make it official. We both were really different but both felt really committed to working through that and moving forward together... but then I just accidentally said something (quite dumbly tbf) that brushed one of her warning signs and she hasn't been able to let go since, she's done an emotional 180 and is completely cold and un-understanding. I'm fighting for it because that's what I do, but if this is what happens everytime we fight, I don't think it's worth it. It just sucks because I didn't know her for long, but she meant a lot to me. (the whole first half is detailed on my birthday list btw)
Idk. We're going at it again right now. Not looking good but I'm not letting her get to me. Oh well |
Trebor.
05.31.18 | I'm happy with my partner and my family and my friends, but still when I'm alone I'm usually fukin miserable mate I'm starting to feel like that sun kil moon shit about melancholy and that phoebe bridgers jesus christ I'm so blue all the time are certainties my dude |
DinosaurJones
05.31.18 | Damn, neeka, that sucks. |
DinosaurJones
05.31.18 | And treb, it's all right to feel blue from time to time, I think we all get like that.
I hope it doesn't consume you though |
neekafat
05.31.18 | I get that man, I'm not chronically depressed when things are going good, but my brother and my mom both are so I get bad waves from time to time regardless :c |
porcupinetheater
05.31.18 | Hard as it is (and more difficult beyond that to accept) stop projecting your own insecurities onto women in your life. Might be compatible, might not, but not treating someone like they're your ticket out of depression goes a long way to a fair shake. |
DinosaurJones
05.31.18 | Yes, that is very, very true. If you've got issues, fucking go to therapy. Friends are there to listen, significant others are there to listen, but don't heap that shit on someone else, unless they're qualified to do so (and you're paying them, haha) |
neekafat
06.01.18 | Oh believe me, therapy is a weekly thing for everyone in my family
Therapy should be mandatory for everyone imo |
neekafat
06.01.18 | Also some weird new developments, will update y'all in time |
DinosaurJones
06.01.18 | Sounds good, breh. Hopefully they'really somewhat positive?
I'm hanging out with my lady friend tomorrow... it might be a date? I guess I'll mostly see how the night ends. |
CugnoBrasso
06.01.18 | Hyped as fuck |
neekafat
06.09.18 | Yeah we're done by the way, everything was made out to be bigger than it was and I was sick of being the only one fighting |
neekafat
06.09.18 | How'd it go Dino? |
CugnoBrasso
06.10.18 | Sorry to hear that neek, I was rooting for you :(
Better luck next time I guess |
neekafat
06.11.18 | Thanks buddy, I appreciate it < 3
Idk, I still am kinda upset about it. But I honestly put as much as I could into making it work, and at the end of it I couldn't blame myself for what was happening |
neekafat
11.11.18 | Gonna be working with her on set again this upcoming weekend lmao wish me luck |
bgillesp
11.11.18 | Good luck bud |
neekafat
11.11.18 | Thanks dude. We're on good terms as of now but it's still hard to imagine what working with her again professionally is gonna be like |
bgillesp
11.11.18 | Understandable. It's not a situation you can really prepare for |
neekafat
11.11.18 | Yeah should be interesting to say the least, fml |
bgillesp
11.11.18 | You can do it! |
neekafat
11.11.18 | < 3 |
