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Reviews 392 Soundoffs 77 News Articles 104 Band Edits + Tags 1,373 Album Edits 707
Album Ratings 4732 Objectivity 75%
Last Active 01-01-70 12:00 am Joined 01-01-70
Review Comments 62,343
| Black Midi ranked
This is a ranking of the London-based experimental rock English band Black Midi, stylised in lowercase. The UK mob have been at the forefront of discussion ever since their pioneering opus Schlagenheim which debuted their career with German flair. Today we will look at all the Black Midi albums. | 20 | | Blanck Mass Animated Violence Mild
Genres: Multiple
Jank: Generous
Letters: BMBMBMBMBMBMBMBM
Rating: 2.4/5
In hindsight this one was something of a misstep. Since they cater to the unknown, Black Midi's appeal has always been broad and sophisticated, but in this case they paid too much mind to the proliferation of shittier energy drinks among their zoomer trash vanguard and doubled down on milquetoast gym music. Please, Mr. Midi - your music is for all ages! | 19 | | Black Midi Schlagenheim
Band: Black Midi
Written by: Black Midi
For fans of: Black Midi
Nuance: Singular
The debut album of Black Midi was released for the first time on June 21st 2019, not bad for a first album! The title translates as "Beathouse" and the beats are quite propulsive. Kinetic. This record does everything and it has many strengths. Does its number of strengths counteract its compromising Lego odour of manufactured artschool portfolio burnout? Well, Rome wasn't built in a day - the consensus is still clenching, the skidmarks are still fresh. Some of the journalists who wrote or indeed thought about this album have in fact listened to rock music since OK Computer, but don't you dare tell anyone. Schlagenheim is a hard 3 lmao.
- Black Midi | 18 | | Black Country, New Road For the first time
Rateyourmusic: irrelevant
Black Midi namedrops: probably more than 1
True rating: 1.5
Reasonable rating: 2.5 thru 3.7
Fakebitch rating: 4+
Production: serviceable
Black Country, New Road's first debut album has embarrassed pretty much everyone: its embarrassed humourless indie purists, it's embarrassed slacklegged polygenre gatekeepers, it's embarrassed those who have never heard a klezmer record in their lives, it's embarrassed those who pretend they know what Spiderland sounds like, and it's embarrassed the band themselves. Jfc the amount of post-self-aware metatextual intracanonical monochrome Tetris going on here has enough wank to kill a horse.
The way literally everyone has reacted to this album makes me ill. I hate it.
In an *exceedingly* rare turn of events, the only person not embarrassed in any way, shape or form here is the Sputnikmusic journalist Rowan5215, whose unhysterical review has since been the source of international consternation. Okay album! | 17 | | Venetian Snares Cavalcade of Glee and Dadaist Happy Pom Poms
Release date: 28th May 2021
Meter: 17/8
Hornets: 3
Collaborators: Confidential
Always felt this one was a teensy bit underrated. Aged surprisingly well, particularly by Black Midi's standards. | 16 | | Joy Division Unknown Pleasures
Importance: documented
Pleasures: verifiable
Pleasure: debatable
Verdict: known
While it's far from the most significant release within Black Midi's discography, Unknown Pleasures does pose a precedent of sorts to their legacy. Remember when Interpol released their first album and typewriters all over New York became insalvagably sticky? That is Black Midi London is now New York, postpunkrevival is now fauxavant and Unknown Pleasures is the best Slint album. | 15 | | Albert Ayler Spiritual Unity
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This album is cool and influential, so much so that it made it to #12 on this steeply competed list ! But does it really belong here? Maybe most of us should listen to it more, but Black Midi need to jam it less often and stop releasing John L for like the fiftymillionth time it is unfair to the people who will unknowingly call it 'free jazz' in front of their parents or significant others. 3 jazz more like LOL. | 14 | | Swans The Great Annihilator
Legacy: #4
Allegations: More than sufficient
Ranking: #13
Last.fm scrobbles: 0
I loved how these guys had a tie-in on the same 13 Reasons Why episode as Black Midi. Now that's what I call postmodern. | 13 | | Kino (Rus) Gruppa krovi
Создание полностью русского альбома, должно быть, было нелегким делом, учитывая, что группе еще предстояло выучить язык, но, как это сделали бы все хорошие пионеры британской школы, они зашнуровали свои ритмические сапоги и вступили в новую волну. Это был разделительный альбом для их поклонников, которым еще предстояло решить, нравится ли им слушать музыку с включенными субтитрами very cosmopolitan good Brit spirit up by the bootlaces. | 12 | | Daughters You Won't Get What You Want
Resemblance: 3.0
File under: Troubled Artiste
Grit: extra fine
Appeal: naive
People never give Black Midi's glam rock credits the credentials they deserve. Let's hear it for them: glam rock! Those dirty filthy posers. How marvellous. Now sold out of impersonating Elvis over Melt-Banana's vacuum cleaner, Daughters deserve to be viewed through similarly serious spectacles to Black Midi. They are masters of 4K and dry ice and deserve every BRIT award 'ave at it hollaholla. | 11 | | This Heat This Heat
Apocalypse: survivor
Authenticity: experimental
Nuances: 102,499
Contours: 0
One of the urdaddies of the Black Midi canon, This Heat surely have the most progeny of any band to sacrifice their fertility to wave upon wave of undomesticated feedback. Maybe today's Black Midi keep their distortion levels, room ambience and pedal sequences locked down tighter that a pope's bastard, but (um.) they're still plenty experimental? Please check your local radiation levels at all time. | 10 | | Mogwai As the Love Continues
Chart Position: #1
Population of Scotland: 5,463,300 + 1 (budgie's sister)
Horsemen: four
Yer in a band. So fking what. Want me to listen - pah phat chance! Want me kids to listen? Phuck outta here. What'sthat? Post-something. Now listen ere you play post-ANYTHIN and I'll show you where you can stuff that artsyfartsy artschool good for nuffin artwank flimflam pastiche comodified product rubbish for the love of gawd i CANNOT STANDoh come again it sounds like Mogwai go'on then whats the wors that can happen | 9 | | Common Holly When I say to you Black Lightning
Age: not what you think
Background: murky
Demeanour: APPROACHABLE
Fans: nvr u mind
[redacted]
it's rly hard to be cool on social media when everyone else is doing it hu | 8 | | Shellac At Action Park
Availability: record store
Married: who's asking
Hz: 1000
Pheromone: hot
Raw, dissonant, angry, aggressive, male vocals, rhythmic, sarcastic, repetitive, atonal, minimalistic, misanthropic, vulgar, uncommon time signatures, noisy, hateful, heavy. I know what you’re thinking, that’s a Black Midi album if I’ve ever heard one. But here they tune the black notch up even further, crafting an album of disconnected post-hxzdcore “jams” one wouldn’t normally associate with the Midi’s elegant breed of punkhouse appropriation. Opener “My Black Ass” is a screwy wink in that direction. Of course, this was the era which saw the Midi’s in a battle of bands as such, as famed critique-of-jay-z-tidal Steve Albini accused the band of stooging. Who's stooge. | 7 | | The Jesus Lizard Liar
Walls: erect
Wattage: On
Truth: Dare
Base: 4th
Much like Black Midi, the Jesus Lizards are an important band and have influenced generations of noise rockers for decades to come. Jglizz are less horny than Black Midi but also less rich, so I suppose that makes sense. Yknow what they say, it's a man's game but a boy's market. Good butt rock. | 6 | | Talking Heads Remain in Light
Polyvalence: culturally appropriated
Earnestness: tantamount
Zoo quotient: 77777,777,124 avaries
Habitat: CITY LIMITS
talking heads are a difficult band to talk about, if you're paying it much mind
if you're paying it much mind you'll know that black midi are difficult to talk about
but talking heads are a difficult band to talk about for more reasons because
RHYTHMS how do you talk about BEATS people should not talk about GROOVES
people should not talk RHYTHMS they should DANCE them and this is the core of
well, i say the core of
YES the core of
why talking heads are such a difficult band to talk about
music is science and science is mathematics
and can we ever talk in mathematics
that is at the heart of rhythm.
do you feel it?
black midi are good at toms and castanets in multiple meters. good math rock | 5 | | Sonic Youth Goo
Attitude: uhuh
Goo: Sex
Demo.: Young mamas and papas. They don't know this yet!
年齢:too fucking young
The concept of selling out for the Midi’s at this point of their career was one mathematically un-falsifiable sum away from impossibility. No matter what, their undeniable New York London cool was a spanking certainty. Christ, they were named after a Japanese music genre for based sake (black MIDI). Despite this, Kool Thing was released as first single and was a quantifiable fan-splitter. Of course, fans and “haters” alike revered Geordie Greep’s bloody impressive impersonation of Public Enemy’s Chuck D but the song was just a bit, er, NME friendly. The album followed suit. The verdict was still out. But then, like a flash of medical hope upon a decaying relative, the Midi’s saved face. In 91’ a year after the contentious Goo, they famously appeared in an interview with Nardwuar where they bullied the host, laughing at his quirk and breaking a record he had gifted them into many pieces (sources close to the band say this was Gang of Four’s entertainment which is one album we think the band did not make). It did make them cool again, however. #5 | 4 | | Deafheaven Ordinary Corrupt Human Love
Acclaim: unconditional
Subcultural impact: critical
Analysis: groundbreaking
Actual cultural weight: are u fucking kidding me
In every watershed cultural transfer comes a point where yesterday's grindhouse disappears into tomorrow's latte. Black Midi were built for success and their time is the threshold of time. If it is too spicy for you, you've missed the action. If it's too bland for you, you're living in the past. Can you see through this? Do you care to peer really, really, reaaaaaaally closely and brush aside the fart-in-an-icecream-cone Pink Floyding and get to the essence. Can you pin down innovation that easily? You cannot fight a force that has already determined the future of your demographic. Ordinary Corrupt Human Love is a fucking travesty of an album, especially by Black Midi's standards, but it gets many many extra points for shadowboxing kudos. Avoid it while you can!! | 3 | | Slint Spiderland
Bands: 1
Albums: 1
Documentaries: 1
Songs: 6
Ranking of songs: Sequential
Okay, so Spiderland is the greatest album of all time, but not so fast! That doesn't make it the best Black Midi album of all time. You thought this band was about history repeating itself *pah* shame on you. Eat dung, hipsters. | 2 | | Maison Book Girl Yume
Length: 68minutes, half-life time
Ambience: geiger
Ambivalence: oneiric
Lewds: NO
At this point the gloves are off and the bluffs have been called. So be it: realtalk, what does it mean to be both introverted and irreverent as an innovator, and how does one ground this in the seedbed of today's pop landscape? How does this apply if you're an industry pawn making soundwaves in a manager's waiting room? How many years at idol camp and/or art school can prepare you for that?
More importantly, what is the true role of sleep in the contemporary creative process? Maison Book Girl exemplify many of Black Midi's more underdiscussed qualities, from their appeal as a torrent project to their feints at being even vaguely comprehensible to their fluff fans. In ten years no-one will even have heard of Steve Reich. Innovation is not always a street. Some roads go down as well as straight. Do not dream of pothole. | 1 | | John Zorn The Crucible
Musicians: 4 (+1)
Yes: Mike Patton
CN: cult content, shrill saxophone
Wow what an unexpected #1 placement, perhaps a teaser of Black Midi's own upcoming unexpected #1 placement in the real-world Music Charts for their unpredictable album Calvacade? The future belongs to those who surprise. Trevor Dunn (of Black Midi)'s bass performance is very filthy.
The music of Black Midi is made out of DAWs connected to social media with gutted fibreoptics and supplemented with pieces of journalism extracted with scissors. The music of the Crucible is made out of ghosts and flatnosed fucking demons. It is pregnant with timelessness. The road ends here. | |
JohnnyoftheWell
03.26.21 | updating | Pheromone
03.26.21 | lmao at 15 big pos but also i read the top and am now not sure if this ranking is real or not
news this | Rowan5215
03.26.21 | I've been known to cause consternation wherever I go
that's what the doctors tell me anyway. possibly they said constipation | JesperL
03.26.21 | "Black Midi, stylised in lowercase"
i hate you | JohnnyoftheWell
03.26.21 | "you"
no you
"constipation"
this isn't a tool thread | someone
03.26.21 | weak sting, you in a beeland | JohnnyoftheWell
03.26.21 | You got to watch out or you'll be fucked up now I fly like a 3D free bee slippin through those faceless blockheads I swing like a beast I used to be I don't think my mind got decayed
| someone
03.26.21 | Melt-Avocado | someone
03.26.21 | Swans and Black Midi featured on a 13 Reasons Why soundtrack demeans the bands more than any of the pretentious shit they ever did. | JohnnyoftheWell
03.26.21 | might have breached journalistic integrity on that one, but it was worth for contemporary vegan no-wave mems | someone
03.26.21 | vegan and no wave, it goes together like guitar pedals and art school | Cygnatti
03.26.21 | good list lmao | JohnnyoftheWell
03.26.21 | lol thanks // vegan flatulence / guitar flatulence, it's all the same // updated, only 9 more to go h
| Pheromone
03.26.21 | it's been 4 hours since i last heard from johnny and he has only since done 3 of these
what is happening to johnny
is this a sympton of the midi | JohnnyoftheWell
03.26.21 | it has congealed over my keyboard one sec i cant aaaaaaa
phero can you do the next one | Pheromone
03.26.21 | yeah | JohnnyoftheWell
03.26.21 | thank, update | someone
03.26.21 | That Shellac album is the hottest. | JohnnyoftheWell
03.26.21 | extremely hot. please place your bets on #1 ! | JesperL
03.26.21 | hey quick note, i think you slipped up on 9 as that is not a black midi album | JohnnyoftheWell
03.26.21 | oh no what a mistake, what a terrible mistake, what an unforgivable error wait what are you talking about, of course it fucking is!! | Pheromone
03.26.21 | yeah no offence jesper but you suck | Cygnatti
03.26.21 | why is the artwork for 15 so fucked up? lmao | Pheromone
03.26.21 | yeah that does not look like my walmart t-shirt design | JesperL
03.26.21 | none taken phero hope u don't mind if i go cry in my dimly lit bedroom for 3 hours straight now | Pheromone
03.26.21 | wait jesper...
turn off that light, no one wanna be seeing that | Pheromone
03.26.21 | jk ily | JesperL
03.26.21 | shorturl.at/cmDKP | LeddSledd
03.26.21 | "Pheromone: hot"
pos | Avagantamos
03.26.21 | staff users should not be allowed to feature their own lists | Pheromone
03.26.21 | ledd you charmer
and that's not how features work actually avag, they use AI to select the toppest range of content - it is the closest to objective truth we will ever get | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | brb gonna swap the placeholder albs for idm fart remixes and feature a couple of user lists at random just to keep that AI happy | neekafat
03.27.21 | 8 is 1 gud shit | porcupinetheater
03.27.21 | BM, what does that stand for? Hahahahaha
Black midi rack city, bring home that paper, lads, fashion look complete with a chubby wallet in the back pocket of your straight leg light wash jeans | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | 8 is 8
7 is 7
porc is a mod
neek is | Cygnatti
03.27.21 | "Pheromone: hot"
pos [2]
This list is actually so fkn good lmao | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | updated just for that lol | porcupinetheater
03.27.21 | "Jglizz are less horny than Black Midi"
A trowel was in ass, alright! Uh! | porcupinetheater
03.27.21 | Also I'm gonna need you and Phero to alternate making lists every day until you burn out your post-millennial sardonicisms | LeddSledd
03.27.21 | he misspelled corny | LeddSledd
03.27.21 | can't get enough sardonicisms from you guys tbqh | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | that is good because here are two more please enjoy them while they last | Mort.
03.27.21 | whats a black midi | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.473.9454&rep=rep1&type=pdf | Mort.
03.27.21 | dont remind me that i should be reading | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | okay come watch that nardwuar interview w/ me | Pheromone
03.27.21 | [2] at mort not stupid johnny | Demon of the Fall
03.27.21 | Incomparable discog. Ranking is wrong though. | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | demon what is ur 1 and what should my 1 be? | someone
03.27.21 | Is Spiderland gonna be 1? | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | that depends on Demon's answer | someone
03.27.21 | Fun fact: slintat in Czech means 'to drool' | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | that is a fun fact and it may have a bearing on the final result | Pheromone
03.27.21 | is it magical mystery tour | someone
03.27.21 | is it Clubchems Over the Trail Country | Demon of the Fall
03.27.21 | ‘demon what is ur 1 and what should my 1 be?‘
Shellac / This Heat. | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | sorry someone almost wins, 1 will be Ultraviolence and 2 will be Spiderland by Maison Book Girl | someone
03.27.21 | This is low-key am attempt to promote Maison Book Girl? | porcupinetheater
03.27.21 | Johnny’s lists are bought and sold. Ironic meme marketing at its most insidious | someone
03.27.21 | By his own design Johnny exemplifies the self-aware self-referencing artsy meme wankjob people hate about Black Country New Road. | JohnnyoftheWell
03.27.21 | Black Country New Road should make lists on sputnikmusic.com
and be less coherent
ironically enough i am trying and FAILING to find shady downloads for Maison Book Girl's amazon.jp Prime exclusive webseries rn, so i cannot promote them in good faith | porcupinetheater
03.27.21 | Classic stipend | JohnnyoftheWell
03.28.21 | It has been a good journey but now we have reached the end
Thank you all for showing me the way | GhandhiLion
03.28.21 | johhny are u ok | JohnnyoftheWell
03.28.21 | no I am not okay I have darksunglasses indie fever and the uk is fucked | GhandhiLion
03.28.21 | Is that the name of your new crescendocore weebgaze project? | JohnnyoftheWell
03.28.21 | Saving it for when I'm next unemployed and binge watching Welcome to the NHK and in a Seoul basement
| someone
03.28.21 | i just realised: no Deerhoof | porcupinetheater
03.28.21 | I have darksunglasses indie fever the uk is fucked and you CANNOT. FUCKING. TOUCH ME. | someone
03.28.21 | darksunglasses sounds like parksungjoon's alt | someone
03.28.21 | no, actually parksungjoon sounds like the alt of darksunglasses | porcupinetheater
03.28.21 | when's darksungoon coming back? | porcupinetheater
03.28.21 | I hope it's in a firestorm of bumping lists from 2008 named things like "slept three days in a row on my soiled bedsheets" | GhandhiLion
03.28.21 | that sounds more like a forum post but I'm open to surprises | JohnnyoftheWell
03.29.21 | oh that's a good point, where is darkhorsepark?will shoot him a msg |
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