Mort.
01.25.21 | big if true |
ReefaJones
01.25.21 | Imagine reading all that |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.25.21 | you have a shoutout and i'm pissed i included it now |
SteakByrnes
01.25.21 | bro what |
someone
01.25.21 | dammit, i knew "Colton's social security account" was going to be bs, but i went through anyway.
cheeky |
dedex
01.25.21 | Colton is neekafat 🤯 |
Pangea
01.25.21 | this is the sort of high quality journalism that i expect from staff. nice job johnny |
tectactoe
01.25.21 | what happened to sputnik |
Pheromone
01.25.21 | colton paid me not to tell you that he |
Trifolium
01.25.21 | I am so cõnf~u~sed right now 😵
...
🤮💥 |
AsleepInTheBack
01.25.21 | This is some David Foster Wallace type shit what |
NorthernSkylark
01.25.21 | Colton is dead. |
rage11111ro
01.25.21 | As the uncrowned king of stupid questions I must ask: is there a summary of this somewhere? Why is this featured? |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.25.21 | check out [5~5] for the summary long live colton |
Divaman
01.25.21 | Come back to us, Johnny. |
JesperL
01.25.21 | colton more like con ton? |
dedex
01.25.21 | compton? |
Pikazilla
01.25.21 | Both neek and colton have abysmal taste, so it all checks out |
JesperL
01.25.21 | shorturl.at/gmCGK |
ChoccyPhilly
01.25.21 | wtf.
This is bigger than QAnon |
gschwen
01.25.21 | "Canadian"
"Social Security"
The mystery grows |
NorthernSkylark
01.25.21 | Johnny goes down the well and discovers rabbit hole |
Dewinged
01.25.21 | I can't believe I read it all |
zelenichajnik
01.25.21 | i'm frightened
what else will come out of this
stay tuned |
Pon
01.25.21 | I was never in a Zoom call what the heck is this |
Drifter
01.25.21 | Woa |
Pheromone
01.25.21 | that sounds like something someone who was in the zoom call would say, jac |
MotokoKusanagi
01.25.21 | wait... so colton was MJ? |
rage11111ro
01.25.21 | New twist.. |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.25.21 | jac I really didn't want to ask neek to publish the zoom rec please don't push this deeper, it doesn't need a spinoff
goodness knows some of the shit we said warrants one tho lol |
Pon
01.25.21 | I'm speaking to my lawyer rn |
Divaman
01.25.21 | So Johnny is Colton???? |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.25.21 | no you're not my phone's on silent it's after midnight |
Ryus
01.25.21 | so this is what gets you a staff tag huh |
JustJoe.
01.25.21 | is it conceited of me that i read a few sentences & didn’t see myself mentioned so i immediately stopped reading |
JustJoe.
01.25.21 | still love you tho
💗 |
SteakByrnes
01.25.21 | I don't know why I read all of this |
rage11111ro
01.25.21 | @SteakByrnes, good one
On a different note, another stupid question: why didn't Johnny and Jac discuss this one to one before blowing it here? |
unclereich
01.25.21 | Russian did steal the 2016 election damn |
Pheromone
01.25.21 | this list is a setup for when johnny creates a gofundme for his 3千 rent increase |
unclereich
01.25.21 | wait is this pizza gate? |
unclereich
01.25.21 | so who the fuck is this then @Johnny?
https://postimg.cc/FYXqsjzm |
YoYoMancuso
01.25.21 | my favorite part was the toilet break |
unclereich
01.25.21 | there are quite a few clones that really became active at the start of covid |
Pheromone
01.25.21 | Shit, I've realised something about that toilet break.
If you convert it into phonetic alphabet (Tango Oscar India Lima Echo Tango,
Bravo Romeo Echo Alpha Kilo), and then count the number of letters in each line (5x3)(4x2)(5x3)(4)(5)(4), equating to 15, 8, 15, 4, 5, 4 - which, if we represent this by letters of the alphabet, OHODED - and if you conveniently replace one of the O's with a J...
you get JOH DED... johnny's dead |
nol
01.25.21 | Rowan already figured it out, Colton is a Noler alt. |
Satellite
01.25.21 | this is the most interesting list i've read in years. low bar to hurdle, i know, but gj johnny. |
JustJoe.
01.25.21 | can i be emeritus |
unclereich
01.25.21 | can I be Joe |
Satellite
01.25.21 | can i be banned |
JustJoe.
01.25.21 | reich you can be joe i can be banned & satellite can be emeritus |
Pheromone
01.25.21 | i just wanna have some fun |
BookoftheFallen
01.25.21 | this is like house of leaves fanfiction. remember when colon said he thinks the earth is flat, and his reasoning why was that he doesnt like bill gates? |
nol
01.25.21 | @Mone: you and The Girls |
AsleepInTheBack
01.25.21 | can i please request that all front page reviews be replaced by this list and all news articles be replaced by this list and all lists be replaced by this list it's [IMPORTANT] thanks |
nol
01.25.21 | the earth is a pentagram |
ArsMoriendi
01.25.21 | Thanks for name dropping me in your elaborate shitpost, Johnny |
garas
01.25.21 | "Phero or someone complains about how expensive rent in the uk is rn"
Yup, I 'member that. |
Pheromone
01.25.21 | i dont complain about shit, i hate people who complain |
garas
01.25.21 | Well, it was just a talk about rents - don't you remember? + if Johnny was drunk~ |
nol
01.25.21 | I think we can all agree that he’s on to something with the whole musicreviewer44 isn’t actually a Colton alt schtick |
Pheromone
01.25.21 | nah i was just joking, i was complaining about complainers geddit
it's a real knee slapper - sorry for concerning you garas love u |
ArsMoriendi
01.25.21 | 100%, no way a 10/11-year-old can write a review like that
Either that, or Colton is some old guy pretending to be 22, but that'd be worse |
dedex
01.25.21 | Detective Ars is on it boiz |
Colton
01.25.21 | Clout boost activated thanks J |
Colton
01.25.21 | Inb4 “my grandma was the only person who ever called me J, hmmmm” |
Colton
01.25.21 | “100%, no way a 10/11-year-old can write a review like that”
The reviews were shit wdym hahaha |
ArsMoriendi
01.25.21 | Yeah but they weren't like a 4th grader level of shit |
unclereich
01.25.21 | U and normalsquare are too sus youre both biggle ghosts |
garas
01.25.21 | Any further remarks, Mr. Detective Ars? |
Colton
01.25.21 | Idk man. My dad was an english teacher and got me into reading and writing at a very young age. I guess they’re pretty good for how old I was but nothing beyond the realm of possibility. I also have other alts, including but not limited to
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/user/ColeTeeple
and
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/user/MagmaWalrus
|
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | the truth come out
does Colton is lying? |
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | not my Biggleboy in arms... |
Colton
01.25.21 | No lies Ledd. The world just can’t believe that as a Biggleboy, I was already based at 10 years old |
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | based and a fact |
Colton
01.25.21 | I think they just can’t handle the implications of me having been here since 09. It means acknowledging that my opinions and ratings actually carry weight and wrestling with the reality of Sonic Youth just being bad |
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | incomprehensible
you must be an alt! |
Colton
01.25.21 | Well I am kinda, I am an alt of several old accounts (and also Noler). I’m not Neeka though, I don’t even like Stranger In The Alps or Buzzfeed
Also all my accounts were made in the same city except for this one so Sputnik might wanna upgrade its IP tracking capabilities |
JeetJeet
01.25.21 | Colton = Pepe Silvia |
nightbringer
01.25.21 | Sometimes I worry that the percentage of content on this site that I actually understand is too low to make this place worth my time. |
Demon of the Fall
01.25.21 | ???
I’m a little worried for your sanity. |
ArsMoriendi
01.25.21 | Does anyone actually like Buzzfeed? The closest thing to Buzzfeed I like is Clickhole |
ReiniEden
01.25.21 | hehe ahaahaah hoo ha
|
Divaman
01.25.21 | >It means acknowledging that my opinions and ratings actually carry weight
Nah.
>and wrestling with the reality of Sonic Youth just being bad
Well, maybe. |
evilford
01.25.21 | Anyone remember that part in Metal Gear Solid 2 where Raiden wakes up inside Metal Gear Arsenal and he keeps getting codec calls from the colonel. Innocuous enough at first, they keep getting weirder and stranger until eventually it is utter gibberish and you begin to question everything?
This reminded me of that. |
nol
01.25.21 | “Does anyone actually like Buzzfeed? The closest thing to Buzzfeed I like is Clickhole“ [2] |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.25.21 | Um wow |
MillionDead
01.25.21 | So Colton is noler and who else? |
unclereich
01.25.21 | my image of Johnny-especilly Johnny while writing this- is not a wholesome caricature |
unclereich
01.25.21 | milliondead is recspecs |
Ryus
01.25.21 | im skele |
evilford
01.25.21 | Lol reich |
unclereich
01.25.21 | im insurrection |
CaliggyJack
01.25.21 | This info will help my fanfiction thx Johnny |
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | sex fanfic lore deepens |
garas
01.25.21 | "the earth is a pentagram"
Damn, this did not catch my attention on my first run through the comments. Golden. |
evilford
01.25.21 | The world is a vampire |
Trundle
01.25.21 | as someone who remembers "ColeT" him and colton's style of posting is very different. js |
Sniff
01.25.21 | wow. great read. you've got something here |
budgie
01.25.21 | hahaha johnny what a great thread idefa 8) u really r a clever nugget |
MillionDead
01.25.21 | I guess it would pretty interesting if I were an alt |
JustJoe.
01.25.21 | interesting that you would say that
🕵️♂️ |
MillionDead
01.25.21 | hmmm |
sixdegrees
01.25.21 | Mucho texto |
neekafat
01.25.21 | wtf |
nol
01.25.21 | if colton is neeka, and I am colton, does that make me neeka? I think so.. |
Emim
01.25.21 | Aren't you a staff writer? Reading some of this I thought I was having a stroke. |
porcupinetheater
01.25.21 | Mm mm mm, who's cooking toast? |
Colton
01.25.21 | Johnny is a good writer he just uses his powers for evil (or uncovering very real and pertinent mysteries, idk) |
Ryus
01.25.21 | QanohnnyoftheWell |
bgillesp
01.25.21 | Did I read all this? The answer might surprise you..... |
porcupinetheater
01.25.21 | Has anyone seen Hugh Puddle?
Please call this number if you have any info, we're very worried |
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | Johnny planned the raid on the capitol building |
evilford
01.25.21 | Johnny is not well (in the head) |
YoYoMancuso
01.25.21 | main thing i gathered from this is that i wanna be in that casual convo discord server |
unclereich
01.25.21 | would love to be in a discord with yoyo |
YoYoMancuso
01.25.21 | me when i think about reich < 3333 |
Conmaniac
01.25.21 | shoot thought this was gonna tie into neeka complaining about tyler calling him an alt disappointed |
neekafat
01.25.21 | yeah wow that was ages ago now missed opportunity |
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | he lives |
Divaman
01.25.21 | neeka! My alt! |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.25.21 | "shoot thought this was gonna tie into neeka complaining about tyler calling him an alt disappointed"
shit good point tbh, will touch on this in part 2 if neeka has much presence there |
Jots
01.25.21 | just read this ... huh so mx's real name is jeremy, wow |
ArsMoriendi
01.25.21 | The best way to get invited into the Casual Conversation discord is to participate a lot in the monthly Casual Conversation lists |
parksungjoon
01.25.21 | >worst staff member ever
even if xenophanes didnt exist this would still be way off |
Mort.
01.25.21 | 'even if xenophanes didnt exist this would still be way off'
lol what has xeno done
i remember some white trash comment ages ago but thats about it |
Jots
01.25.21 | and wait you're telling me jom's og username was danknugs69... the rabbit hole goes even deeper than i thought |
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | what has xeno done [2] |
parksungjoon
01.25.21 | >lol what has xeno done
bad taste, bad takes... thats about all i know really |
Cygnatti
01.25.21 | what is this lmao |
Jots
01.25.21 | xeno is underrated imo |
Cygnatti
01.25.21 | I haven't read a staff review in years tbh |
Mort.
01.25.21 | xeno isnt even staff anymore hes emeritus.
and i found what i was thinking of, he described Dance Gavin Dance as white-trash circa survive lol |
Cygnatti
01.25.21 | ^is he wrong? |
Jots
01.25.21 | apt |
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | lol that's a good take |
Mort.
01.25.21 | using 'white trash' at all isnt a good take so na |
parksungjoon
01.25.21 | >xeno isnt even staff anymore hes emeritus.
look he was staff when i last saw his lolworthy ass ok |
porcupinetheater
01.25.21 | White trash as a subcategory of white is a bad take
White trash as a synonym of white on the other hand |
LeddSledd
01.25.21 | white organic |
porcupinetheater
01.25.21 | Easy does it, Ledd, that plays into very unsavory narratives |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.25.21 | I liked xeno |
Mort.
01.25.21 | where the fuck is Frip these days ??? |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.25.21 | Who cares |
Mort.
01.25.21 | i care |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.25.21 | Oh |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.25.21 | this is a staff review
it is intellectual
plz show some respect |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.25.21 | Imagine all the good albums you actually could have reviewed instead
You wouldn't have - it would have just been another janky weeb album or some Taylor swift b-sides - but you could have |
budgie
01.25.21 | i agree this is intellectual stuff |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.25.21 | Well now that you have the validation of someone with the intellectual capacity of a fruitloop i take it back |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.25.21 | was gonna finish a fishmans review yesterday but wasn't feeling it tbh. some days are better than others etcetc |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.25.21 | "some days are better than others etcetc"
Now THATS deep |
parksungjoon
01.25.21 | now this is gaming |
Colton
01.25.21 | I feel like Ars actually believes I’m older than 22 now lol |
Colton
01.26.21 | "’msorry;theideaoffive20-somethingspoolingtheirmoneytobuyahouseandliveproblem-freeis
apipe-dream,andonethatIwouldexpectfromapolitician.Ordinarily,Imightnotcare,exc
eptinthiscase,Ifeelasthoughthetaxpayerswillbepickingupthetabwhenallthesearran
gementsfallintodisarray.WhenIwasatMcMasterUniversityfrom1998to2002,Ilivedalone.
Eveninfirstyear,whenlivinginadormwasapparentlythebestwaytomakefriends,meetgirls,
partylikearockstar,andlivethecampuslifestyle,Istillshunnedtheideaofsleepingina10x12
cellwithapersonI’dnevermetbefore.Theninyears2through4,Icontinuedtoliveina1-
bedroomapartmentoffcampus,andwatchallofmyfriendscomplainincessantlyabout
theirroommates.Mybrotherandhis“bestfriend”roomedtogetherinfirst-yearuniversity,
andupontheconclusionofthatlastsemester,theyneverspokeagain.Twoofmybestbuddies
livedtogetherinfourthyear,andthingsgotsobadthatoneofthemmovedoutbeforetheyear
wasevenover.Itaffectedtheirrelationshipforyearstocome.Wewereallyoung,however.
Andmaturitycomeswithage.Buttwonightsago,whenaclienttoldmethatthreeofhis
25-year-oldfriendswerepoolingtheirmoneytobuyahousetogether,
Ijustshookmyhead.“IgotasfarawayfromthatideaasIcould,”myclienttoldme."
wait did you actually go to McMaster what the fuck |
ArsMoriendi
01.26.21 | Colton, put your damn mask back on, there's a pandemic still going on! |
Colton
01.26.21 | ok you didn't go to McMaster thank god, although it would explain a lot tbh |
ArsMoriendi
01.26.21 | No idea what McMaster is |
neekafat
01.26.21 | I will neither confirm nor deny any of this |
Rowan5215
01.26.21 | compelling and disturbing stuff, johnny. but it does lead me to ponder: how might stuck tractor fit in with all of this? |
Cygnatti
01.26.21 | wtf is mcmaster |
DrMaximus
01.26.21 | Uni in canada |
Satellite
01.26.21 | "I also have other alts, including but not limited to
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/user/ColeTeeple
and
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/user/MagmaWalrus"
https://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?memberid=440794
nobody under the age of 27 has ever listened to the hold steady 🤔 |
Cygnatti
01.26.21 | I'm under 27 (barely) and I'm pretty sure I have listened to the hold steady. Vaguely recall Andcas talking in some of their threads but idk for sure. |
Colton
01.26.21 | “nobody under the age of 27 has ever listened to the hold steady 🤔”
I wanna be prepared |
Cygnatti
01.26.21 | colton has been on this site almost as long as I have.
@coltybrah you're in danger of losing your z00mer card |
Pheromone
01.26.21 | who the fvk is xeno |
Rowan5215
01.26.21 | I've literally never heard of this staffer |
Pheromone
01.26.21 | me neither, if he's one can i be one? |
fogza
01.26.21 | Colton is suspicious. Doesn't sound like a username, doesn't sound like a real name (unless you're a Romney). |
WatchItExplode
01.26.21 | 3.1415926535897932384626433842795028841971693993751058209749445923078164 |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.26.21 | This is the House of Leaves of sputnik lists |
garas
01.26.21 | [List Closed for Posting by Colton] |
Colton
01.26.21 | nah man this is my moment in the spotlight. Get the whole site on here |
budgie
01.26.21 | whois colton |
Colton
01.26.21 | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eZOOEkrf6Q |
Divaman
01.26.21 | So is the dog whose photo is on the pet list really neeka's? |
sixdegrees
01.26.21 | When the impostor is sus XD |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.26.21 | this thread is canon to the list |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.27.21 | lamp, bar stool, ottoman, office desk, recliner, door handle, love seat, curtain, kitchen sink [7-32] |
hal1ax
01.27.21 | this is the list we've all been waiting for |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.27.21 | johnny content b like
https://ryanbanderson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/765502._SX540_.jpg |
SitarHero
01.27.21 | Maybe the real Colton was the friends we made along the way. |
nol
01.27.21 | Will the real Colton please stand up? |
AnimalsAsSummit
01.27.21 | nothing short of pure mental illness |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.27.21 | reported
animals reading a detective novel be like "where is the medication" |
Deathconscious
01.27.21 | Because of the biggleboy status and the fact that he shares a name with my girlfriend's nephew, i cant help but imagine him as a 6 year old. |
Deathconscious
01.27.21 | Hey johnny, how are people posting on my Banned Users Archive list, i see a "list closed for posting by moderators" message. |
JohnnyoftheWell
01.27.21 | oh yeah, uh, once you work out who Colton is
you
you can post
anywhere |
Lord(e)Po)))ts
01.27.21 | You just gotta inspect element and fuck with the code or some nerd shit someone explained it to me once |
Ryus
01.27.21 | u just need to fuck a little with the html |
ResidentNihilist
01.28.21 | If anyone is recspecs than they must have fucked another girl and guy at the same time. |
Deathconscious
01.28.21 | Oh well, no more banned user stuff to add anyways. The people will keep it alive. |
JohnnyoftheWell
02.26.21 | news is coming soon |
neekafat
02.26.21 | ??????? am i somehow also budgie? |
JohnnyoftheWell
02.26.21 | you know the answer to that one
it's 32
|
parksungjoon
02.26.21 | import ant |
Mort.
02.26.21 | Park refused to explain it to me because he's a bit sweaty nerd |
parksungjoon
02.26.21 | what did i do now |
Pheromone
02.26.21 | it's easy mort i will explain it to you
|
parksungjoon
02.26.21 | https://www.sputnikmusic.com/forums/showthread.php?t=649019 |
Pheromone
02.26.21 | Hi guys I am kevin.
I am from Pakistan. |
Egarran
02.26.21 | I feel I deserve a medal for reading a third of this
Can't believe colton is johnny's alt |
Mort.
02.26.21 | you didnt explain the deep magic behind posting in closed lists park
|
Pheromone
02.26.21 | it's easy mort i will explain it to you |
Mort.
02.26.21 | ITS EASY MORT, I WILL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU |
JohnnyoftheWell
02.26.21 | easy mort help wow
am 6.5/10 sloshed rn writing pt2 gonna be gravy |
Pheromone
02.26.21 | can i teach mort in it |
CaliggyJack
02.26.21 | My fan fic is turning into a soap opera |
nol
02.26.21 | there's a girl here who draws furry porn jack, you guys would get along |
cordwainerbird
02.26.21 | this site is fucking insane this is truly like one of the last active places that has old web vibes |
cordwainerbird
02.26.21 | >there's a girl here who draws furry porn jack, you guys would get along
YO U SUMMONED ME APPARENTLY that comment showed up right after i submitted an unrelated response |
Sinternet
02.26.21 | im confused but uh cool |
nol
02.26.21 | yeah cord draws furry porn. respect, ig? but seriously, hit up jack. He could be a good source of income for u. |
Colton
02.26.21 | Don’t act like you don’t look up Banjo porn |
cordwainerbird
02.26.21 | it is done |
Colton
02.26.21 | He will never recover |
cordwainerbird
02.26.21 | sjdhfgbv |
nol
02.26.21 | I do, cord actually made me a beautiful piece of art. It is hanging in my parents bedroom. |
Colton
02.26.21 | it is 4:16 am Japan time now. either Johnny's drunkenness got the better of him and he passed out, he's pouring his heart and soul into part 2 and it requires an all nighter, or he fucked around and asked too many questions and had to be taken care of. Guess we'll find out |
fogza
02.27.21 | Peel off the mask... Reveal the inner lizard |
cordwainerbird
02.27.21 | >cord actually made me a beautiful piece of art
i did no such thing, u could never afford my rates!!!!! |
cordwainerbird
02.27.21 | colt i'm imagining johnny mnemonic to that |
Egarran
02.27.21 | TIL cordwainerbird means Harlan Ellison
yes I am now stalking you on the internet
haven't found furry porn yet /: but I'll always have that pic of Johnny's cousin |
Dedes
03.02.21 | I miss when shitposts just required you making various acts referencing your enormous member or impressive cumload.
Honestly Johnny I think this was all an elaborate rouse to distract us from the fact that you were Colton all along |
Divaman
03.02.21 | >there's a girl here who draws furry porn jack, you guys would get along
There's a girl here? |