Review Summary: Did anybody order keyboards with their traditional metal?
Hey, kids! Let me ask you a question: what is the first thing you think about when you think of Judas Priest? Loud guitars, maybe? Shredding solos? Leather and spikes? Well, what about keyboards? No? Then let me introduce you to a little album they released back in 1986…
Yes, today we’ll be talking about
Turbo, probably the most reviled Judas Priest album (even more so than the two Owens albums) and the beginning of the end of the group’s career at the forefront of traditional metal. At first glance, the reasons for such an abrupt downfall may be narrowed down to one simple factor:
keyboards. The album is indeed rife with synthesizers, and most of them not all that subtle – the cringe-worthy intro to
Out In The Cold, for example, would shame Europe themselves with its dripping quantities of cheese. However, as we shall see momentarily, keyboards weren’t this album’s only problem, or even its biggest.
Before we proceed, though, a little history is in order. Formed in the late 60’s, Judas Priest had gone from a trippy space-rock band to a heavy metal juggernaut, leaving their legacy through albums such as
Hell Bent For Leather, Screaming For Vengeance or
British Steel. However, as successful as they were in Europe and in the underground circles of certain other areas, they hadn’t yet managed to break through to the American market. Why they would want to side with the likes of Bon Jovi is beyond me, but
Turbo nevertheless represented a declared attack on the Yankee airwaves, introducing a much more commercially-minded, but much less inspired sound for the group.
In fact, that is the main problem ailing
Turbo: the songwriting. Half of the songs on the album are insipidly uninspiring, and the other half range from really quite good to utterly atrocious, with the latter clearly winning out. Of course, once you factor in the keyboards, the whole thing acquires even more worrying proportions.
Predictably, the best songs here are those which stray away from keyboards and cheese and hark back to the group’s former heavy metal sound.
Locked In, rightfully one of the best songs here, is perhaps the only time Judas Priest manage to skillfully combine synthesizers and hard rock, boasting a great chorus, good riffing and the usual amount of shredding from Tipton and Downing.
Rock You All Around The World, on the other hand, is a more straightforward heavy metal blast, its fast pace at times reminiscent of AC/DC’s speedier tracks. Together, they make up the only portion of the album really worth listening to and treasuring next to classics like
Breaking The Law.
The remainder of the album is, at best, hit or miss. Some of the songs show promise, but are bogged down by one element or another.
Parental Guidance, for example, comes maddeningly close to standout material, but is marred by lyrics that would sound bad coming from a 16-year-old, let alone an established band of grown men. Allegedly, the song was an attack on Tipper Gore’s infamous PMRC, but if Halford wanted to make a statement, then verses like
”how would you know anyway/you’re just Mr. Dull” certainly won’t help his cause. By the time the song descends into self-parody territory, shamelessly calling out a song from a totally different league (
You’ve Got Another Thing Coming), the listener has long given up.
However, it does get worse from there. Adequate though songs like
Reckless or single
Turbo Lover may be, merely being “adequate” is nowhere near enough for a band of Judas Priest’s caliber. And there is absolutely no excuse for stuff like
Hot For Love (really?), or the shamelessly radio-whoring
Out In The Cold, which could have been written by any given bunch of semi-talented Sunset Strip hacks and would still sound just as gratingly cheesy. When added to the increase in single-entendre sexual lyrics from the not-yet-outed Halford, this lack of inspiration sends the album into a spiraling tailspin from which it never really recovers, not even when AC/DC are called back into play in the atypically-sounding
Wild Nights, Hot And Crazy Days.
At the end of the day, then, this is an album even diehards will scoff at. For the casual listener, it lacks a few more hooks and has a little too much cheese; for Judas Priest fans, it most certainly lacks the speed and cutting-edge the band exhibited in the majority of their oeuvre. That leaves a couple of curious souls such as myself, as well as a few masochists who like to witness trainwrecks firsthand. And this particular trainwreck is momentous in scale, make one wonder how Judas Priest not only recovered from it, but manage to still be around today. Unless you’re in the mood for shameless 80’s cheese – or a laugh – avoid.
Recommended Tracks
Turbo Lover
Locked In
Rock You All Around The World
