Review Summary: If you ever needed proof that the music industry is on a slippery slope downhill, here it is.
Lateralus is the third studio album by American rock band Tool. The album was released on 15 May 2001, and debuted at number one on the Billboard 200 chart. On 5 August 2003, Lateralus was certified double platinum by the RIAA. On 30 August 2004 the album was certified Silver by the BPI for sales of 60,000 in the UK. On 23 August 2005, Lateralus was released as a limited edition two-picture-disc vinyl LP in a holographic gatefold package. Lateralus was ranked #123 on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's "Definitive 200" list.
This excerpt is taken directly from the Wikipedia page of Lateralus, and if you ever needed proof that the music industry is on a slippery slope downhill, there it is.
Lateralus is nothing more than 80 minutes of Tool trying to prove to the world that they are intelligent. The album is riddled with pretentiousness and such lazy writing. and at the end of the day, they prove the exact opposite: that they’re clumsy, arrogant, and fantastically boring songwriters.
Nothing makes this clearer than the song lengths. Eight of the thirteen songs are above 6 minutes, with a few of those being above 8 minutes. Not only are these drawn out songs are way too long, but they are also split up by multiple useless interludes, or filler. The point Tool are trying to make is that no matter how much pointlessness they put in their albums, they're confident that fans will still eat it up because they think it makes them edgy and deep. But I assure you, it doesn’t.
Let’s talk about the band members for a minute. These guys are often regarded as legends, for what reason is beyond me. Maynard is the most boring vocalist of all time. Throughout the whole album it sounds like he’s dozing off in a Macroeconomics lecture after injecting a pound of heroin in his arm. He’s absolutely depressing to listen to, and his lyrics make it even worse because he thinks he’s smart. He’s easily the most conceited member of the group, using stuff like the Fibonacci sequence as lyrics to pretend he has some culture because he took one finite math class in high school. Also “Ticks & Leeches” features some of the gayest screaming ever recorded, only comparable to M. Shadows off
Waking the Fallen.
The other members aren’t nearly as bad and show some hints of talent, but being led by such an abysmal frontman it’s excruciatingly hard to tell. Danny Carey is a good drummer, there’s no doubt about it. Adam Jones can play the guitar well enough I suppose. Justin Chancellor has some interesting bass parts scattered around, sure. None of it is revolutionary though and they don’t deserve any of the ridiculous praise they get. Just because they play in odd time signatures without getting lost doesn’t mean they’re good musicians. Not to mention the fact that they have an artist almost as conceited as Maynard, Alex Grey, who believes that the music cannot fully be absorbed unless the art accompanies it. In other words, if you don’t like the music because its dull and boring, try looking at my art to distract you until the painful 80 minutes are over.
Now, the album isn’t all bad. Well actually it is, but the closest they get to a decent song is “Schism,” one of their most famous songs. It has a cool bass line and some catchy hooks, but again Maynard ruins any momentum the song had as soon as his stupid vocals come in. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the album isn’t good for nothing. If you have insomnia and ran out of Lunesta, throw on Lateralus and you’ll be able to sleep through an earthquake. But if you truly appreciate music for what it is, Lateralus is nothing more than an album that demonstrates to other musicians exactly what
not to do.
