Review Summary: Redneck Douchebag: The Album
Every once in a while, radio rock craps out something so embarrassing and vile that you honestly think that the whole thing is a joke. You think that this has got to be some parody band that creatively makes fun of what you hear on the average rock station nowadays. Taking shots at bands like Nickelback and their unchanging formulas and stupid writing, but you're crushed to know that the album is, in fact, not a joke.
Welcome to "The Truth Is..."
Theory of a Deadman has never exactly been the holy grail of music, so it was certainly not a surprise that this album was less than desirable, but this is just pathetic. The writing is so weak, the instrumentals so bland, the vocals so lifeless, and the other various issues strewn throughout this mind-killing experience made this almost literally painful to sit through
The idea behind the opening track, "Lowlife", simply escapes me. It simply talks about being a deadbeat and how he's is proud of his worthless lifestyle...Okay? What's the message here? What was the point of making this? This isn't a song. It's a pitch for a character for a crappy cartoon sitcom. The extremely run of the mill guitar and drum work coupled with perhaps the most empty lyrics ever written makes you weep for what is to come, and weep you should, because "Bitch Came Back" is a true lowpoint. What's a redneck wannabe country rock album without some blatant misogyny? With absolute gold like "The trouble with girls is they're all the same; Forget the diamonds and pearls they just want a ring; Before you know it you're like a dog on a leash", it quickly becomes a "so bad it's funny" situation, but at the same time, people like me want to absolutely vomit at the embarrassment to humanity these lyrics are.
Another major issue with this album is that this is Theory's fourth studio album, but it feels like a remastered demo from a Texan high school rock band from 2002. The whole thing feels so immature and sloppily done that it does not feel like something coming from a band that has been around for 10 years. This is more like someone who bought "Songwriting for Dummies" and tried out his new-found skills after five minutes of reading. This is especially prevalent in "Out of My Head". It does it's damnedest to give you the most average, bland, and simple song you will ever hear, and it succeeds. The minimalist 16 measure verses and disgustingly childish love song lyrics make you wonder if this was done by 10 year veterans, or a 12 year old writing to his crush.
Hey! Did you like "Lowlife"? No? Well too bad, here it is again in the form of "Gentleman". After opening with an obnoxious, pseudo-southern riff, you see that it literally follows the exact same formula lyrically, except this time, instead of being a scumbag in life as a whole, it's about being a scumbag to girls because, you know, treating women like garbage is fun! At least this one attempts to be satirical so it doesn't send me into an immediate feminist rage like "Bitch Came Back" did.
The only times on this album that it feels like effort was put in were on "Head Above Water" and "Drag Me to Hell". The former is still a very bland slow song about getting through life's troubles, but it's at least somewhat competent. The latter, on the other hand, actually changes up the formula a little bit. It's a faster paced, energetic song that actually almost sounds different from the rest of the album. If someone forces you to listen to something from this "thing", go for one of these.
There are some mainstream rock bands out there that are pretty passable, there are some that are annoying and average, and then there's this, which may as well be a Nickelback B-side album. Theory of a Deadman certainly delivers here with one of the most vomit inducing things that I've ever heard. From the cookie cutter sound, beginner level lyrics, and the flagrant sexism, "The Truth is..." this album should be avoided at all cost.
