Review Summary: STAR WARS BLACK METAL FUCK YAH
Who doesn't ***ing love Star Wars? Why don't we have any black metal band about the amazing movies? Well we apparently have had some STBM for a while now, and it's by a band called Vondur. Not Vader, (name taken I guess), but Vondur. Vondur (which keeps autocorrecting to "vendor" on my computer) is a Swedish side project of bands Abruptum, which I really like, and Ophthalamia, which have one good album. Both bands are from northern Sweden but I've never made a Star Wars connection between the bands.
Look at that cover, isn't that amazing? ***ing Star Wars and black metal!!! Unfortunately, the cover is really the only good thing about this album. This sounds raelly, really bad. This is like Myrimin, except where as Myrimin was (mostly) hilariously awful, this is just awfully awful. Both this and Myrimin have the same quality of sound, but I will say this at least uses a real drum set instead of the belly slapping snare from Myrimin. The vocalist sounds like an SNL spoof of a black metal vocalist and I can't tell which band he's from. He certainly isn't the band vocalist from Abruptum because that guy actually sounds really threatening and good. The guitar quality is awful; you can't hear a single damn thing due to constant BZZZZZ from the feedback. At least Myrimin had tangible riffs, this just sounds awful. A beehive better be listed as the third band member because they certainly are the most prominent on the album.
The album starts out pretty funny, I will say. Sounding like the opening of a morning news talk show in Indonesia, blasting trumpets over blaring rolling tom drums assault us for a solid 90 seconds, meanwhile a loud and cheesy reverb voice dramatically yells in a laughably manner. Suddenly this just stops dead in its tracks, like no warning, just DUNDUNDUNDU-*metal riff* but the metal riff sucks. The vocals suck. It's just so bad. The overly dramatic echo voice returns a few more times over the course of the album, idk if he is supposed to be like a Swedish Darth Vader or what. I lived in Finland for a while and our Darth Vader sounded nothing like this guy. If you speak Swedish, you'd know this guy serves as the narrator, basically just describing the plot of the movie. A few songs happen that are supposed to serve as scenes from Episode 4 and 5 (not 6 for whatever reason), and the narrator comes back to tell us what is happening. His voice is overly stupid, probably the best narrator ever. One of the inserts is just him going "HEIL!!! HEIL!!! HEIL!!!" for like four minutes straight. I don't remember that from any of the Star Wars films but whatever.
Occasionally the album has some good riffs, like the one at about the six minute mark that sounds like something Bathory would do. The slower groovier riffs are cool, but the fast ones are so bad that it hurts. Whatever. Just watch Star Wars.
