Theophonos
Ashes in the Huron River


2.5
average


Release Date: 02/09/2024 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Theophuckthisshit

Sophomore albums can be make or break for bands. It could be a chance to redeem yourself from a bad debut or a chance to really make people fans if you have two good albums in a row to start a career. Unfortunately for black metal/mathcore band Theophonos, his second album, Ashes in the Huron River, is the second dud in a row.

The main problem with this is lack of variety overall. Yes, I know this is black metal and it is oftentimes repetitive. That's all well and good when it envokes a magical atmosphere that transports you to another time and place entirely. Ashes in the Huron River has very little of that magic. Playing fast is cool, but it can only get you so far. The riffs are lifeless for the most part and give off a very "going through the motions" effect. I love trems and blast beats as much as the next black metal fan but when that's paired with crystal clear and bland production, it makes for a painful listen.

Most of this album suffers from the problems that I've mentioned already, but there is an exception. The title track is an absolute mammoth. Instead of the boring affair that leads up to it, the title track is an unbelievable mashup of groovy rhythms and southern sludge riffs that wouldn't be out of place on a Thou album. If it wasn't for this track, Ashes in the Huron River would be completely forgettable.

Sadly Theophonos have had two stinkers in a row and to me personally, that's enough to write a band off. There are a million black metal bands out there and if you can't produce then you get put out of mind. Theophonos don't flat out suck but they don't do near enough to keep the listener engaged. If you want by-the-numbers black metal with little variety then this might be your speed, but if you need more than that, you'd be wise to steer clear of Ashes in the Huron River.



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user ratings (46)
3.6
great


Comments:Add a Comment 
Hawks
February 22nd 2024


93615 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Here u go Dewi! M///



Band blowz ahrd.

Dewinged
Staff Reviewer
February 22nd 2024


32179 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

lmao have a pos for the effort my man.



I think the first half is pretty strong. The track before the last one i when things start to get a bit sus, and then the last one just falls off a cliff.

Dewinged
Staff Reviewer
February 22nd 2024


32179 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

I think it's more of a 3.5 for me, but I don't do decimals anymore.

NightOnDrunkMountain
Contributing Reviewer
February 22nd 2024


841 Comments


Same guy as in Serpent Column?

Hawks
February 22nd 2024


93615 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Yes which makes no sense cause that band rulez.



Dewi I actually think the second half is way stronger but still not strong enough lol.

Dewinged
Staff Reviewer
February 22nd 2024


32179 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

"Same guy as in Serpent Column?" oh didnt know that, and that actually makes no sense XD

Hawks
February 22nd 2024


93615 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

It really doesn't. That band just rules so much ahrder.

Zac124
February 22nd 2024


3108 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

yeah, going to have to agree. this was really disappointing despite the occasional great riff.

PizzaBear
February 22nd 2024


678 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Hawks is smoking that good shi once again smh



Idk I can def see the bones of Serpent Column as the foundation here but he's been leaning much more heavily into the "core" side of mathcore since the name switch with the big chunky riffs he likes to throw in. I don't think he'll ever touch Mirror in Darkness, that album was a masterpiece in the genre but otherwise this doesn't strike me as a departure from the quality we got from SC.

Hawks
February 22nd 2024


93615 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Idk bro this band is super mediocre imo.

PizzaBear
February 22nd 2024


678 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

The last album was kinda eh but I'm enjoying this one

Hawks
February 22nd 2024


93615 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

If I want something like this that really has substance I'll go for Hoplites, Serpent Column and/or Thantifaxath lol.

necropig
February 22nd 2024


7440 Comments


Theophuckthisshit

amazing m/

Hawks
February 22nd 2024


93615 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

I thought that was good too lmao.

BAT
February 23rd 2024


1984 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

been listening to a lot of stuff on the 'total dissonance worship' label annd this seems to fit under that umbrella buuut isn't on that label, intriguing [but pos'd]

Hawks
February 23rd 2024


93615 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Give it a shot bro. U might dig.

PizzaBear
February 23rd 2024


678 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

So I went back and re-listened to a few Serpent Column albums and he's definitely ditched some of the more intricate riff styles in favour of upping the "core" influence on this one. I generally prefer the riff style on SC but I think he makes up for it here with somewhat tighter songwriting. A lot of SC's stuff kind of tended to sound like riff ideas just kind of cobbled together but that were saved by the fact that they were really cool riffs whereas this album sounds a lot more like fleshed out songs.

Ebola
February 23rd 2024


4574 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

The first half of their first album is awesome, but the pre-release track I heard from this didn’t do anything for me.

Hawks
February 23rd 2024


93615 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Eh first album is boring as balls too. Band is just bland.

BAT
February 24th 2024


1984 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

'Not quite my tempo,' yeah I was expecting this to be a bit grinder and had to double take when some breakdowns would sound like blackened emmure. Guessing this is a one man band and the dude is clearly talented but could really use an extra ear for the song arrangements, even with its mix of styles it just kinda lacks dynamics. Also one of the few times I'd say a metal album would sound better with standard tuning lol, if it went for noise rather than mud it'd gel better against the drum samples.



The bandcamp descriptions had me chuckling I'm not quite sure if it's a troll or serious.

(Some gems)

"...The new LP is named in honor of the local woods and riverlands that continue to inspire the studio project. This record is an account of a life spent in the rotten heartlands of neoliberal capitalism and a tribute to the vibrant underground music cultures that thrived before the second half of the last decade." (The price is Canadian currency so I'd assume he's from Canada lmfao)



"...Primary musical influences include Death Grips’ “Jenny Death” (which the record homages in its gradient-like structure, its centerpiece “Still You Haunt Me” even acting as a reimagined “On GP”), the downtuned hyperaggressions of Morbid Angel’s “Gateways to Annihilation”, and the cinematic, raw intimacies of Pelican’s “The Fire in Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw.” ... " (sounds nothing like any of those)



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