Review Summary: ...Is This Real life?
It wasn't too long ago I was deciding whether I'd get the most giggles from rating this a 5 or a 1 but then I saw the music video for 'Wake Up To Bake Up' and thought "F*ck it", if I'm gonna write a review for an album that is the aural equivalent to having your balls slapped back and forth with a cheese grater by your uncle in one of his alcoholic relapses than I might as well try to squeeze some kind of objectivity into the review, if only to fool myself into thinking I actually did something while I noodled around at 3:00am on a weeknight.
Cemetery Rapist is a one-man-band who's sole member Clay Lamanske is also the head cock of 'F*ck the Ass' and 'Porn King' record labels. Are you jealous yet? This man gets to sit around, smoke weed, click like a demonic frog-pig and somehow he's managed to transcend minimum wage. If you've heard one album by this guy, you've heard them all... You HAVEN'T however, heard the increasing amount of samples that borderline copy-right infringement law forcefully injected into each song like the amount of heroine Clay injects every 5 f*cking minutes.
If you haven't already, I recommend you check out the track list as some of the names straddle the line between pathetically edgy or cringe-worthy humor, I mean sure you might get a laugh after realizing one of the songs is titled "Female Cops Get Big Black Cock" but you would if you read it anywhere so what's the point really?
Now you may be wondering "Ayil, this sh*t 'aint serious ya silly bastard" and yes, I am quite aware of this reality. The thing about the band is that it really has no reason to exist, it gets buried under that plethora of Sh*t that the Slamming Brutal Death metal 'Genre' offers generously in intervals of what seems like every child that is born in China, if it's a male it might get the chance to see the light of day, but unluckily it just blends in with the rest of the population in the eyes of anyone not exposed to it every day.
I will admit I had a phase where I enjoyed such music, and a sick part of me still does and comes around now and then like tertiary syphilis until I scratch the inch with something that has a full set of functioning chromosomes such as Dragged into Sunlight.
So what are my recommendations? well, comparing tracks is like deciding which corn piece in the sh*t pile looks the most tasty, and it is funny to see it until you realize after all the fun that someone has to clean up. Those of us who willfully listen to this probably don't identify as adults who will scrub to carpet of Sh*ty music so as it stands it's music for the cunt in all of us that we lock away separating us from the beasts.
Now go and listen to something good.
