Review Summary: Ram Ranch Really Rocks
Ram Ranch is where I want to be.
Grant Macdonald is what the world would call a madman. A successful banker turned musician and gay porn director, Macdonald has certainly made a name for himself in the underground erotic music scene. He’s extremely prolific, releasing songs every few days and with hundreds of albums under his saddle. And the crowning height of his work is Ram Ranch. A song so popular, it’s spawned over a Hundred sequels, many reaching over ten minutes long. Indeed, listening from Ram Ranch 1 to the recently released 128 as of this writing would take hours, a full day of your time. But where did the madness begin? Here, in the showers of Ram Ranch, the greatest god damn place on earth.
At first, the track may throw you off guard. The bad mixing and amateurish vocal work from Macdonald is what many would call poor quality. An apparently stock heavy metal backing thunders in at the start of the song and Macdonald begins his story. With his distinctly Canadian accent, he tells off Ram Ranch, a haven for cowboys looking for fun, work and pleasure. There are eighteen naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch, and eighteen more wild cowboys out in the yard. Throbbing hard cocks and assholes wanting to be ***ed like a breeding ram waiting to rut are the core of Ram Ranch. Cowboys are getting ***ed in their sleep and there’s an orgy in the showers at Ram Ranch. Grant seems to be yelling over the clipped, distorted music, eager to get out his story of Ram Ranch. And then, it fades away, only to return, the song looping for a second time. At first this seems like a mastering error before you realise this was an intentional effect by Grant in order to make it so you don’t have to hit replay. This effect also mirrors a rebound, the second lesser climax after the first ejacualtion. It’s cum season at Ram Ranch and everyone is on the hunt for some cowboy butt. Sadly, the song ends before a third explosion of musical pleasure can occur. But the saga is far from over, as we are introduced to new characters and more wild situations for our cowboy buddies in the following sequels.
Ram Ranch is debatably the finest track In The avant garde queer erotic cowboy metal genre and really what more else can you want. A fantastic track in every sense of the word. What else can I say? Ram Ranch really rocks!
5/5
