“The General” is, in every conceivable way, a disaster of epic proportions. Yet, if there’s one thing this relic is exceptional at, it’s brazenly highlighting everything wrong with Guns N’ Roses in 2023. For those who forgot, didn’t know, or are simply caught up in the moment while the years pass them by, Slash and Duff rejoined Guns N’ Roses way back in 2016. At the time, for any long-serving Guns N’ Roses fan, I can imagine the reunion being a joyous occasion for them – having daydreams of the band writing new music together and playing solid shows with a formidable greatest hits setlist – but in the seven years gone by, the band have only managed to produce a “reworked” version of “Shadow of Your Love” (a B-side from 1987, made into a single to promote the 2018 Appetite for Destruction boxset), and four Chinese Democracy-era archive tracks, all of which feel as though they hit the cutting room floor for a reason. On top of the poor creative output – or lack thereof – the band’s live shows have suffered immeasurably in recent years, with a gasping, overweight Axl Rose now sounding like Mickey Mouse on his death bed. Nevertheless, to drive the point home, by going back to the meagre amount of recorded slop served thus far from this current line-up, while “Hard Skool” and “Absurd” retain subtle aspects of the classic GNR sound – albeit not enough to make the tracks any good – it’s utterly bewildering to me why Slash and Duff would agree to go down this route of releasing archived material from a, frankly, middling-at-best era, where the aforementioned parties were never even involved. It only seems to strengthen the case Slash and Duff see this reunion as nothing more than a payday to cover their own passion projects, while Axl is left at the helm to make these weird business decisions.

Suspect creatively bankrupt decision-making aside, as a song “The General” is an unpleasant experience on just about every level imaginable. The most noticeable problem presenting this track is the godawful production, which sounds as though Axl is screeching atonally into a megaphone, with the rest of the band behind him, recording inside a trash can. Picking the peanuts out of the shit, the track is at its best in the verses, which allows the song to breath. This brings its own problems mind, as it only highlights the hideous amalgamation of brittle drum beats, tinny bass, and grimacing guitar licks (that sound as though a cat is being chocked-out with a Crippler Crossface), but at least here we get a modicum of atmosphere; if you’re able and willing to overlook Axl’s *ahem* contributions. Indeed, tonally, “The General” feels quite dark in comparison to most GNR songs: being that it’s lodged in the Chinese Democracy zeitgeist, which in itself has a distinct flavour, it feels really settled in this type of mood – largely thanks to the driving bass riff and whirling synth passages. However, it’s important to note that while the production gives no assistance to the song’s average instrumentation, the main problems befalling “The General”, to the surprise of almost no one, stem from Axl Rose himself. You could write this off as an average track with a functional mood if it wasn’t for the vocals, but they are so irrationally irritating and submerged in a cocktail of abhorrent effects, it does untold levels of damage to the few good things here. Axl’s approach is business as usual these days – delivering a limp, lifeless string of flavourless melodies and iffy, albeit dark, lyrics, but things get serious when the pre-chorus/chorus comes in and Axl’s vocal effects swallow up everything in their way. The marriage between the song’s stinking production and Axl’s hilariously bad performance – seriously, when he harmonises with the guitar solo at the end, it really puts it all into perspective – creates a stodgy swamp of atrocious sounds, and you’d do yourself a service avoiding it.

It really does make you think, doesn’t it? Is Rose so completely enamoured with the music he wrote twenty-or-so years ago, he feels it’s a crime for it not to see the light of day? Given Rose’s temperament, it’s a feasible scenario. Maybe Rose, Slash and Duff have all gone into a room before today and wrote new material, but the water in the creative well is so stagnant and polluted, it would give everybody dysentery? Or maybe our eponymous, egomaniacal, despotic leader is staying true to form and can’t comprehend the thought GNR could be something shared with its other members again? I’m just putting a few innocuous ramblings out there, but the fact the current line-up has been going for a decade-looming and has amounted to a consistent touring schedule and a handful of crappy B-side tracks – from a time where Rose had ripped out the creative heart because of his conceit – speaks volumes for where this band is in 2023, and more importantly, what this reunion has all been about.

Score: 1/5

Sputnik Singles Chart:

1. Blut Aus Nord – “That Cannot Be Dreamed” (3.9)
2. Regina Spektor – “Becoming All Alone” (3.9)
3. The Wonder Years – “Oldest Daughter” (3.7)
4. Yeule – “Too Dead Inside” (3.5)
5. Arcade Fire – “The Lightning I, II” (3.2)
6. Phoebe Bridgers – “Sidelines” (3.1)
7. Bad Omens – “Like A Villain” (2.8)
8. Muse – “Won’t Stand Down” (2.5)
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers – “Black Summer” (2.3)
10. Avril Lavigne – “Bite Me” (2.3)
11. Weezer – “A Little Bit of Love” (2.3)
12. Shinedown – “Planet Zero” (2.2)
13. Grimes – “Shinigami Eyes” (1.9)
14. Daine – “Boythots” (2.7)
15. Orgy – “Empty” (1.6)
16. Grimes – “I Wanna Be Software” (1.5)