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Last Active 03-14-19 3:05 pm
Joined 12-19-13

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Metallica Ranked

Metallica is probably overall my favorite band of all time still. No matter what new genres and albums and bands I discover I always come back to Metallica time and time again, something few select other bands can do. (megadeth) Metallica is what got me into heavy music when I was like 8 years old and the Black Album was still the hottest shit ever.
1Metallica
Master of Puppets

Easy #1.
When I first discovered the Black Album, this was the very next step in my
discovery of Metallica. This album has 0, count them, ZERO, bad songs and is their
best work. Magnum Opus I think the kids like to call it.
2Metallica
Metallica

While I'm sure no one will agree, the Black Album is #2 for me. This album single-
handedly introduced me into the wonderful world of heavy metal music. If it wasn't for
the Black Album, I would have never found Emmure, The Acacia Strain, Bring Me The
Horizon, and all of the other shittier, completely different stuff I love today.
3Metallica
Kill 'Em All

How I wish I could've been around to witness Metallica's rise with their debut.
Lightning fast, classic thrash metal. Too bad my mom was too busy fucking around to
give birth to me. Yeah, thanks for that.
4Metallica
...And Justice For All

My favorite band stretching their songwriting muscles. Dem lyrics. Listen to them. The
song are fast, slow, heavy, melodic, and, long. 65 minutes of it? A little long, but fuck
yeah! This shit is so dark and those riffs are on point. Also this is one of Lars' only
shining moment behind the kit. Otherwise you kinda suck dude, no bad vibes intended.
Where the fuck is the bass, tho? Not cool to diss your new bassist hard.
It's cool though because he went to be in like 4 other bands that had one good album
and became irrelevant later.
5Metallica
ReLoad

Here we go. Slower, southern fried influences in a riff-tastic 2nd part of a double
album. Many saw Load and ReLoad as Metallica "selling out" to a more mainstream
sound. I don't give a shit, this record is jamworthy. A few bad songs drag this one
down. wtf even is "better than you", really. Also just realize it will almost two and a
half hours to listen to Load and ReLoad together. Like why the fuck are these so god
damn long.
I don't know about you guys, but I can't possibly keep a boner that long without
those pills the doc gave me. Not gonna happen. I'll listen to one now and one later.
6Metallica
Ride The Lightning

Breath a big sigh of relief.
Now blow through your nostrils in anger.
Now wish death upon me because that's totally warranted. I mean, I DID disagree
with your music taste.
HOW CAN I POSSIBLY RATE RELOAD HIGHER THAN RTL ARE YOU STUPID?
Yeah.
RTL is a cool little album marking a bit of a transition in sound from Kill Em to
Puppets. This album simultaneously has some of Metallica's worst and best songs.
Creeping Death! RTL! THE BELL! TRAPPED! But WTF is Escape? The Call of Ktulu?
Fight Fire with Fire? Ew. No thanks. Also Hetfield's vocals are shit on this one. Fight
me about it.
7Metallica
Death Magnetic

I wish there was a simultaneous "#9" spot.
We've reached the "aft section" of Metallica's discography.
Just to add some chronology, this album was released after three consecutive
experimental albums alienated their die-hard thrash fanbase. Get over it, it sounded
cool. So in a not-so-desperate attempt, Metallica puts out a RETURN TO FORM
THRASH ALBUM! Did it work? That's debatable. Some songs on here are cool, and
some are downright cringe worthy. Still better than Load.
8Metallica
St. Anger

This album's not even that bad.
Some song are unnecessarily long. This album to me is comparable to Pantera's 'The
Great Southern Trendkill'. A band dealing with it's own inner turmoil while still trying to
piece together a record resulting in a sloppy, different, heavy and very rage filled
attempt.
How about James just fucking screaming into the mic like an asshole? Awesome. How
about Lars banging the shit out of that wide-open snare like a dickhead? Awesome.
How about the fact that there isn't ONE guitar solo? Awesome.
In a sick, dark, twisted, "hey this is your favorite band on the verge of self-
destruction and you just have to sit through all 75 minutes of it and WATCH IT
HAPPEN" kind of way. Don't let the #8 fool you. This shit is a sleeper.
Anyone who knows shit about college basketball should know about what a number
#8 spot can do.
Lose right as they were about to win it all.
9Metallica
Load

Ew. More like "Load" of shit, am I right?
Nah, this album's iight but forsure their worst. King Nothing, Until It Sleeps, and Cure
are the only good things we've got going here. But that only accounts for 14 minutes
of the SEVENTY EIGHT MINUTE run time. I spelled the number 78 out as words to
stress the fact that no album should be this long like are you shitting me that's fucking
ridiculous. especially if the lyrics suck and the songs are slow as my nan's driving.
Like, holy fuck the speed limit is 70, at LEAST go above 60. There's people honking
and tailgating you and it's making me uncomfortable as the passenger when they stare
at me as they find a way to pass on the right. Come on, Load. Shit.
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