intotheshit
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Last Active 07-06-14 2:20 am
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How To Woo A Woman

With food! All in 5 easy steps!
1 The Great White Buffalo


Don't take that bitch out to eat!
You're on Sputnik! The only type of
women you can pull are blind
women and uggies. You don't want
to be seen out in public with that.
2 Johnny Cash


Tell her you're going to cook her
something special, like Italian, or
something exotic like Indian. In
fact, go with Indian. That way you'll
have the shits in about 5 minutes
and you can run to the bathroom. If
you're lucky, she might eventually
get up and just leave, but let's face
it: the woman is probably so
desperate and depraved that she
might just stick around and
compliment you on the regularity of
your bowel movements. Inthat
case, step 3.
3 Ryan Adams


If she's a fat bitch, give her a salad
and tell her that's all she gets.
Cows only eat grass, but you're not
going to pull up some of your lawn
for that bitch. Just throw some
green shit in a bowl and tell her to
get a gym membership.
If it's a bulimic bitch, just give her
some frozen dinner while you eat
the good stuff. She's gonna throw it
up anyways.
4 Frank Turner


If the bitch asks for something to
drink, tell her she can have plain tap
water. If she doesn't like that, call
her a ho, because hos only drink
from a man's fire hose.
5 Waylon Jennings


Lastly, don't give her dessert. She
might get the impression thatyou
want her to stick around. If she
asks for dessert, she's probably a
fat pig. No self respecting woman
eats something that fattening on a
first date.
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