costofnothing: a wish for wings that work...

granitenotebook 07.10.20	"I lose sleep thinking about all the cringe shit I've said and done, and I feel like part of the reason I've been pushing the few people I have away is because I'm too afraid of serious emotional connection and the thought that I might actually have to be vulnerable." I was in a very similar position going into college - it sucks, sorry to hear you're going through that. would you like some advice?
costofnothing 07.10.20	Yeah sure man, I'm uncertain about a lot of things rn.
granitenotebook 07.10.20	feel free to take this with a few grains of salt, and I'm sure it's nothing you haven't heard before. it helped me a lot to really take the idea of redefining yourself to its limit. I focused on going outside of my comfort zone as often as I could during my freshman year, and tried really hard to internalize the idea that I could change myself, and I didn't have to be the same person for the rest of my life. I tried to decide who I wanted to present myself as for my first impressions with people, and that helped a lot. and then, when I realized I needed to refine that, I changed myself again about halfway through that year. my point is, you don't have to be the person you don't like or make the same decisions forever. changing yourself or your patterns is hard, but it's totally possible, and you've got a great opportunity coming up. and even if you don't really try that hard, it'll still probably be an improvement just to be in a new environment.
costofnothing 07.10.20	Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Honestly that's one of the hardest things for me. I feel like I screw a lot of things up for myself just by having negative expectations going in.
Sowing 07.10.20	I can relate to what granite said with a weird amount of overlap. I hated high school and very much kept to myself. I decided to "rebrand" myself in the same way granite mentioned although I never thought of it as a fake persona or anything, it was just genuinely who I wanted to become (outgoing & positive instead of introverted & pessimistic). I started branching out socially and talked to literally everyone I met. The key for me was to stop taking myself so seriously. I learned not to internalize rejection which was huge; when someone didn't want to get to know me I just moved on to those who did. That builds confidence as well because you learn to focus on the positives (the old "listen to your fans, not your critics" adage). I credit that mental/emotional adjustment for getting my life going in the direction I wanted it to go, both personally and professionally. I have no idea if your situation is the same or different, but the important thing is to remember that college is a totally clean slate and that 80% of people are arriving just the same as you are - awkward, bored, and probably lonely. So just be a friend to those around you and I'm sure everything will work out!
ChoccyPhilly 07.10.20	"I lose sleep thinking about all the cringe shit I've said and done" And this is before uni? Oh man, I have so many doozies from my 4 years at uni, it's a miracle I can sleep at all. All the nights I froze up when a girl approached me ahhh fuck just kill me now. but on a more serious note, what makes you so apprehensive about starting uni? A couple of months after starting uni was the most lost I've ever felt in my life so I can relate but now that it's over, I look back and am so grateful for the time I had for personal growth, even if it was mostly quite difficult. Happy to provide some of my thoughts if you'd like
costofnothing 07.10.20	@SowingSeason Thanks man. Good to know its worked for others. @Choccyphilly Idk man. Going to be in an unfamiliar place, going to be doing stuff that seems to matter a lot more than high school. A lot of uncertainty
Snake. 07.10.20	"High school was pretty shit for me, so hopefully this is better, and I can find something meaningful to get involved in. But I get really anxious about everything. I lose sleep thinking about all the cringe shit I've said and done, and I feel like part of the reason I've been pushing the few people I have away is because I'm too afraid of serious emotional connection and the thought that I might actually have to be vulnerable." i feel this so hard. high school was very lonely for me and it kinda set the standard for how i constructed friendships in college and it just felt kind of like an extension of high school for the first couple of years. you're going into a really special situation tho with covid (unless they're actually gonna let you on campus in the fall??) so the advice that i can give you might not do it justice but here goes: 1. JOIN CLUBS!!!!! join as many as you possibly can!!!! get involved!!! the easiest way to make friends is by finding your own niche 2. mental health should always be your number one priority. take advantage of your school's therapy services or find a therapist off campus, your college experience is going to have bumps in the road and it's better to talk them out rather than just let them weigh you down. exercising for an hour at least three times a week also helps. 3. compartmentalization and time management are HUGE when it comes to college, but don't plan out your whole semester in one day because things often change and the workload increases as the semester goes on. don't forget to make some time for yourself too. 4. don't drink the punch
Dewinged 07.10.20	Uni years are the best. You'll make friends that will last forever and probably meet your love of a lifetime. Just go with the flow and don't do things you don't feel you belong to. You'll be fine dude!
bludngorevidal 07.10.20	Everyone else has given great advice that I echo 100x over. My condensed two cents, which align with others' thoughts: Say yes more than saying no. Putting yourself out of your comfort zone is never easier than when you're in college and it (generally) never has less severe consequences when things don't work out. By placing yourself in a situation with which you're completely unfamiliar, you're going to learn a hell of a lot about who you are and what motivates you. IMO, that's the point of college. The only possible way you can 'fail' in the experience you're about to undertake is if you don't learn a bit more about what makes you you. That may sound cheesy but I firmly believe it's the truth. You might find yourself uncomfy at first, but sooner rather than later I promise you that you will become comfortable being uncomfortable! It's a beautiful experience.
el_newg 07.11.20	healthy body, healthy mind. try and get some regular exercise, eat well, drink water, and sleep for 8 hrs a night. also practicing mindfulness or meditation can be really helpful. this is obviously a lot of work if you're not already doing it, but the first step is the hardest. once you get going and get into a routine you start reaping the benefits in no time. obviously everybody is different and I can't guarantee this will help with anxiety, etc. however it has certainly helped with my mental health in the past.