Rowhaus
The fact of the matter is we should drop everything and listen to Limp Bizkit right now
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Reviews 12
Approval 74%

Soundoffs 30
Album Ratings 4152
Objectivity 93%

Last Active 01-09-23 12:01 am
Joined 05-20-16

Review Comments 6,465

 Lists
04.10.17 Popular Bands That I Loathe02.09.17 Jazz Recs?
08.18.16 Immolation - LPs Ranked
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Popular Bands That I Loathe

This list is bound to ruffle some feathers. I didn't peck at any low-hanging fruit.
1Avenged Sevenfold
The Stage

Most annoying band of all time. Shadows literally has the worst voice in the entire world and they've never made anything even remotely good. They sucked when I was in eighth grade and they certainly suck now.
2Dream Theater
Images and Words

Sappy, irritating, shrill, keyboard-infested trash. Embarrassing.
3Tool
Ænima

Maynard is a pompous dwarf that loves biting the hand that feeds. This is also the band that thinks their brilliance transcends music-streaming apparatus. It might be less vexatious if their music was any good.
4Converge
Jane Doe

Loud, melodramatic, sonic, cacophonous, and downright unpleasant. Would not recommend. The singer was clearly picked last in gym and never got over his 8th grade crush.
5Anthrax
Among the Living

The footnote of the Big 4. They play so people can pre-game in the parking lot with some background noise. Scott Ian is a talentless squirrel-faced fuckhead that made a whole career off the most generic, boring riffs ever conceived. This band sounds like a parody of thrash metal. Also, keep that fucking hip-hop trash the hell away from this genre. It's not cool or impressive at all.
6Neurosis
Through Silver in Blood

Mastodon does it better.
7Insomnium
Since the Day It All Came Down

Mellow, boring, and completely dull from album to album.
8Red Hot Chili Peppers
Californication

The most cumbersome of all spineless radio rock bands. Overplayed, overrated, and totally stale. They also forget to plug their instruments in so they can at least LOOK like they're playing live.

http://www.eonline.com/news/507385/red-hot-chili-peppers-flea-admits-he-played-air-bass-during-super-bowl-halftime-show-and-here-s-why
9Rage Against the Machine
The Battle of Los Angeles

Edgy rap-rock. Not my thing at all. Feel free to move to Venezuela if Capitalism bothers you idiots so much.
10Black Flag
My War

Atonal disasters that don't withstand the test of time. Check Misfits or Bad Brains instead.
11Foo Fighters
Foo Fighters

Shut up, Dave. Your music sucks and you should've hung it up with Nirvana..
12System of a Down
Toxicity

Triggered white noise. Lemme know when Serj stops whining about everything. My respect for this band is like the Amernian Genocide: nonexistent.
13Cattle Decapitation
The Anthropocene Extinction

The embodiment of everything wrong with death metal. If protein and iron deficiency made music, it'd sound just like this. While the whole band sounds uninspired, the vocalist is easily the biggest detractor. Whether it's the generic, overproduced growls or the laughable Bobby Blitz-ripoff "cleans", this whole band is a caricature of all things brutal. I'll bet they have nightmares every night about Carcass, the original and far superior vegancore band.
14blink-182
Dude Ranch

Too easy.
15Bullet For My Valentine
The Poison

Metalcore that everyone likes except me, apparently.
16Tom Waits
Rain Dogs

His voice sounds very bad to me.
17Soundgarden
Badmotorfinger

The worst grunge band ever.
18Isis
Oceanic

Post-metal schlock that bores me to tears
19Godsmack
The Other Side

The band that everyone knows about, yet nobody likes
20Modest Mouse
The Lonesome Crowded West

Indie rock.
21Satyricon
Now, Diabolical

Two good albums, then they crashed and burned so hard it was inconceivable
22Rings of Saturn
Dingir

Polished wankery that irritates the living shit out of me
23Cake
Fashion Nugget

This was that one band with that one song that I heard that one time
24Radiohead
Kid A

Perfect music if you wanna catch a nap
25Neutral Milk Hotel
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

JJJJEEEESSSSUUUSSS CHHRRIIIIISSSSTTT!!! THIS SOOOOUUUNNNDDSS LIIIKKKEE SHIIIITTT!!!
26R.E.M.
Automatic for the People

This band is to rock what Myrkur is to black metal: cringeworthy.
27The Offspring
Smash

Literally no musicality or attention to detail at ALL. And it doesn't help that their lyrics sound like stuff I wrote in my 6th grade notebooks. This band is bad and I won't pay.
28The Chainsmokers
Collage

The Chainsmokers will fade into obscurity as the next few classes graduate. But as of now, put this garbage on with a couple handles of Burnett's and you're almost guaranteed to get some action. It's almost redeeming for that reason... but not quite.
29Venom
From the Very Depths

This band made two solid albums, but have literally been heralded as pioneers because they found a vein. They haven't released ANYTHING worthwhile in almost forty years. It's almost sad at this point.
30Whitechapel
This Is Exile

This is literally the worst deathcore band ever. They're also one of the worst bands I've ever had the displeasure of seeing live. They also have three guitarists which is hilarious. Tennessee produces great whiskey, but they're somewhat lacking in the metal department.
31My Chemical Romance
The Black Parade

The Black Parade? More like The Hack Charade. This band makes my skin crawl.
32U2
War

Listen to this band and you too can be tortured. This band declared war on my auditory senses and almost won. You hear that, Bono? You're a warmonger!
33Bring Me The Horizon
Suicide Season

Suicide Season? Bring me the cyanide. Just make this band stop.
34Periphery
Periphery

Meshuggah called... they want their tone back. They're also asking that Richard Simmons be taken off as vocalist.
35Gojira
From Mars to Sirius

This is the band that turned a single Morbid Angel song into an entire discography. They've done it remarkably poorly too. These talentless crepe-rollers can't write a riff to save their lives. They mostly write songs about how people are the worst and we're killing the planet. Honestly, if the planet ends it might not be so bad. At least we wouldn't be able to make awful music like this. This band is definitely worse for the planet than all oil spills and carbon emission combined.
36Iron Maiden
The Number of the Beast

They don't have the rawness of Motorhead. They don't have the intensity of Judas Priest. They don't really have anything to be brutally honest. Bruce Dickinson is also an objectively awful singer.
37Machine Head
Catharsis

Robb Flynn is one of the biggest virtue-signalling crybabies in all of metal. He looks homeless and I'll bet he doesn't shower. They have two good albums and a whole lotta garbage. Avoid at all cost.
38Ministry
With Sympathy

Not much more to say other than worst industrial metal band ever.
39The Jesus Lizard
Goat

One of the few bands that caused me physical agony through music.
40Sufjan Stevens
Carrie and Lowell

Folk music for hipsters. This crap will be played in quaint coffee houses into the indefinite future. We all know this guy whispers his vocals because he can't sing to save his life.
41Swans
Greed

Michael Gira thinks his living and breathing are otherworldly accomplishments worthy of high praise. How do you profit off uptight music snobs looking for a twisted thrill? Play some of the most boring melodies imaginable, don't even attempt to sing on key, and have lots of silence in your songs so they seem important. If Michael spent half as much time on his music as he does starry-eyed girls, he might actually produce something interesting.
42Brand New
Science Fiction

Mediocrity and overhype just got a brand new band. Jesse Lacey please don't rape me. Your garbage music is invariably samey.
43Kalmah
The Black Waltz

This band only furthers my assertion that melodeath is the worst subgenre ever. Horrible riffs, garbage lyrics, and gutted production. I wish Scandinavian metal wasn't so soft and weak.
44The Microphones
The Glow Pt. 2

The essential band for effeminate neckbeards. These songs are perfect for when you're playing that Nintendo Switch your wife's boyfriend bought you :D
45Father John Misty
God's Favorite Customer

See above ^.^
46mewithoutYou
Brother, Sister

There's nothing more hardcore than off-key singing, poorly-knit sweaters, and illustrations that would make Maurice Sendak blush. As far as this band goes, I wish I could bewithoutYOU, because you SUCK!
47fun.
Aim and Ignite

An amusing title considering the music that lay within. The only thing fun about this band is laughing at them. Hey fun., Freddy Mercury called, he's asking you hop off his postmortem jock.
48Train
Save Me San Francisco

I'm genuinely convinced this band was put on Earth to test my mental limits. Hey Soul Sister is literally the worst song I've ever heard in my ENTIRE life. Somebody please derail this band.
49Coheed and Cambria
The Second Stage Turbine Blade

This watered-down crew of Rush-worshippers is a joke. I had the displeasure of seeing them live and wanted to shove my head into a turbine blade to relieve myself of the agony. These guys offer nothing but awful songs full of sappy, emo, pearl-clutching malarchy. Heed my warning and avoid Coheed.
50TesseracT
Altered State

Yet another band that relentlessly blows Meshuggah.
51Havok
Conformicide

Infowars: The Band.
This crack-smoking band of talentless losers can't write a riff to save their lives. Their heads are so far up their own asses they make Dave Mustaine cringe. For a band that condones conformity, they certainly do a lot of imitation. This band is a joke that writes itself and I hope their time is up soon.
52Dance Gavin Dance
Mothership

There was an arsehole I knew in high school named Gavin. At least he wasn't a generic arsehole. This band can't say the same.
53Lamb of God
Ashes of the Wake

The most generic band ever. Randy Blythe is a harrowing vocalist that should stick to being an unemployed surfer. Honestly, if he put half as much effort into his vocals as he does not lifting and not using shampoo, he might be tolerable. Newsflash dude: metal doesn't want anything to do with you. This band will never be immortalized. This awful music will fade in time like every LoG bumper sticker on the backs of unkempt Toyota 4Runners. They won't be missed and I look forward to their departure.
54Tremonti
Dust

If I had a nickle for every good riff this talentless hack has written I'd be dead broke.
55Five Finger Death Punch
Got Your Six

The perfect soundtrack for petulant balding men in their mid forties having fisting orgies in the backs of lifted Ford trucks.
56Burzum
Aske

How do you get away with selling horribly produced, messily played, poorly conceptualized garbage? Play black metal. How do you respond to criticism? Claim the haters don't understand the "atmosphere".
57Kreator
Coma of Souls

Mille hates himself and it shows in his songwriting. This is easily one of the worst thrash bands of all time. Soft, non-aggressive, predictable riffing, laughable lyrics, and a singer that always has a cold does not a good band make.
58Bastille
Bad Blood

This is the band that made Pompeii. Let that sink in. The bastille was once heralded as a historic reminder of victory. Now it's the symbol of sappy molly-riddled college girls. The French revolutionaries would be rolling in their graves if they saw what these vile Brits are doing to their legacy.
59Soilwork
Stabbing the Drama

The musical equivalent of soiled jeans. Every song sounds EXACTLY the same. This is the ultimate band for closeted metalcore fans who wanna pretend they're into straightforward metal. Every note these hacks play only serves as yet another reminder that the Swedish metal scene has become a joke. These pathetic excuses for musicians should go back to Ikea where they belong.
60Voivod
Killing Technology

The band that managed to inspire Vektor, an unequivocally superior band, never made anything worth your time. I wish someoone would use killing technology on me to spare me from hearing this band. If only we could launch their music into space and blast it from the outer atmosphere. No aliens would dare fuck with us if this horrible stuff was playing.
61August Burns Red
Messengers

Ironic that a Christian band would commit such blasphemy through sound. If Jesus heard one song from these flannel-wearing Warped tour posers he'd beg to be nailed to the cross again. If their horrible music were any more insufferable, you'd think you were burning in your personal hell. Only this is a hell where Satan tortures you with an incessant bludgeoning with a crash symbol.
62Arch Enemy
Doomsday Machine

PMS: The Band.
63Blind Guardian
Nightfall in Middle-Earth

Deaf Attendant
Mute Chaperone
Sterile Escort
I'm sure this band had to choose between a lot of stupid names. I wonder how they landed on Blind Guardian and thought, "yeah, people would pay to see our show with that name, right?" Believe it or not, the music is even dumber and more nonsensical than their amusing title. This keyboard-laden rubbish couldn't even satisfy the most dastardly grog-swilling dwarf. This fellowship of the cling needs to leave Tolkien's work alone and not subject us to such torture. Maybe try writing some fan-fiction next time.
64Parkway Drive
Killing with a Smile

They should've called this album Sucking with a Smile, because this material took a parkway DIVE! Let me guess: another band that sings about heartbreak and teardrops and their bleeding broken hearts. I've been down Parkway Drive, and friends, let me tell you, it's not where you wanna be. It's chock-full of horrible riffing, melodramatic lyrics (cry me a fucking river), contrived songwriting, piss-poor production, and laughable vocals. Much like Converge, this band relentlessly harps on their emotional problems to the point of embarassment. I'm not sure what they're putting in the water down undah, but I'd stick to bottles around Parkway Drive. Ingest too much of that stuff and you might start crying with your closest mates. I can only hope Parkway Drive, a road littered with potholes and decrepit chain restaurants you see EVERYWHERE else, ends in a 500ft. cliff very soon.
65Sodom
Agent Orange

Tom Angelripper should spend less time ripping angels and more time ripping muscles. The emaciated freak looks like he's got Hansel and Gretel dangling over a cauldron backstage at every show. But that's beside the point. The band is lazy and hasn't made anything worthwile in years. They don't have the songwriting of Metallica, the talent of Megadeth, the ferocity of Slayer, or the endless dreadfulness that makes Anthrax hilarious. Sodom fans love to turn a blind eye that this band is tired and has made far more terrible albums than good ones. It's time to stop pretending fellas.
66Brain Drill
The Parasites

Everything wrong with tech death rolled into one embarrassing supergroup.
67Car Bomb
Meta

The sound of metal being skullfucked by smooth jazz. Horrible.
68Shadow Of Intent
Melancholy

This is what happens when Dimmu Borgir gets fisted by Linkin Park. No, it’s not as bad as you think. It’s much, much worse.
69Cult Leader
A Patient Man

The perfect band for pseudo-intellectuals who work long, grueling hours in poetry bookshops and hit their vape pens with extreme gusto! Do they play instruments? I’m surprised this gang of limp-wristed morons could operate anything more talent-intensive than an espresso machine. But if this album is any indication, they clearly can’t.
70Dave Matthews Band
Before These Crowded Streets

A vapid insult to both Blues and Folk. This is menopausal housewife dinner party music. My accountant friends always play this stuff from their convertibles as they cruise out to the Hamptons for a nice weekend getaway. Good times!
71Kendrick Lamar
To Pimp a Butterfly

This guy raps like he's smelling shit.
72Nightwish
Wishmaster

This band sounds how Jansen's beard-braided twat smells, like foul fish and vegemite.
73KISS
Love Gun

Possibly the greediest and hackiest band around. This white trash swill makes me want put a real gun to my temple. Gene Simmons is one of the slimiest excuses for a human being on the planet. I wouldn't be surprised if he waxed the love guns and discharged the schmeckle mags of every member of the band.
74Soen
Lykaia

I liked this band more when they were called Tool. And Tool fucking blows. So when you put two and two together...
75Bruce Springsteen
Born to Run

I literally hate everything about Springsteen and his fake "Americana" working-class gimmick. This guy is no more blue collar than Paris fucking Hilton. The hyper-inflated ego of this fraud is matched only by the sensationalized trite that he passes off as songwriting. He probably yells at the kids in his neighborhood and doesn't tip his bartender. He should've been a jaded guitar center employee instead. It's like he was born to suck.
76Sunn O)))
Black One

Turn on your garbage disposal and record it on cassette tape. Play the tape in reverse at 5% speed. It'll still sound better than this gang of rain-loving hacks. Why write riffs when you can strum the same chord four or even five times to make a song? Everyone has been doing it all wrong.
77Faith No More
Angel Dust

Mike Patton is who Robert Downey Jr. would be if he grew up in a nuclear power plant. This band and their shrill pipe organ bollocks is one of the most insufferable things to come outta the 90s. It's not heavy, it doesn't rock, there's no riffs, it's TRASH. Patton should take his schlub ass back up to northern Cali to sing opera in tailored suits where he belongs.
78Six Feet Under
Crypt of the Devil

Chris Barnes is the Kevin Costner of death metal. He's absolutely horrible and is only respected because people look at the past through rose-colored glasses. Almost everything this band has done should be buried well beyond six feet under. The only redeemable qualities this group has ever attained came through brief moments where talented people got onboard. Dreadlock Dipshit and his band of miscreants really need to pack it in.
79DevilDriver
Trust No One

This band only has one good album. Dez looks like a Saint's Row npc that should be out eating grass in a pasture somewhere. Chimaira called, they want their riffs back.
80After the Burial
Wolves Within

One of the worst bands I've ever seen live. Their guitar tone sounds like a lawnmower and their riffs have more zeroes than Jeff Bezos' bank accounts.
81Obliteration
Black Death Horizon

The vocalist sounds like he's being hilariously gangbanged by Nazgul while they're forcing his bandmates to watch.
82Grateful Dead
The Grateful Dead

I call this band I Wish I Was Dead. This is the dullest group of inebriated boomers I've ever had the displeasure of hearing. If you've come for exciting and unique music, I suggest you look elsewhere. You'll find more soul and passion at your local DMV. The vocals are flatter than Kansas and this brand of uppity feel-good radio rock crap makes Nickelback sound like pure rock n' roll. It's generic swill coveted by white trash women with dreadlocks and smelly old men blasting it in their muscle cars on their way to pick up the next social security check. Count me the fuck OUT.
83The Flaming Lips
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots

Words cannot describe how much I fucking hate this band. Absolutely awful singing and all these annoying flip-flop bullshit effects all over the place. Wayne Coyne looks like a homeless fucking psycho with some goddamn bedazzled bullshit in his face. Who does this this guy think he is? A fucking twelve year old girl's jeans? He performs in a bubble because he lives in an echo chamber. I don't think I've ever witnessed a sadder spectacle than a haggardly man in his 60s, standing in a bubble, dawned in a $20 Nordstrom Rack suit, nervously singing through a facemask like a helpless peasant. I thought my disdain for them had peaked until I saw them live. Such a truly awful band completely bereft of talent.
84Zao
The Well-Intentioned Virus

The well-intentioned posers with horrible vocals and bad riffs.
85Billie Eilish
Ocean Eyes

She strikes me as an airhead and the music is awful, but at least she's got a decent set of feeders on her.
86Architects
Hollow Crown

Why do all these British screamy eemy bands sound the same? It's no wonder people hate screamo. This is is abhorrent. I don't know what drugs they're taking over there in tealand but for the love of god PLEASE stop making music like this. It sounds like Robert Smith taking a cold shower in a straight jacket.
87Hellyeah
Stampede

This is what I imagine Texas Toast would sound like if it were music. Hellno.
88Yoko Ono
Yes, I'm A Witch

Perfect album title. This shrieking wench destroyed The Beatles and it's only appropriate she have a place here.
89Joy Division
Unknown Pleasures

Post punk is just so bad and this is probably my least favorite band of the bunch. The guitar tone sounds like an out of tune saxophone and the vocals are so dull they'd make Ben Stein blush.
90Atheist
Piece of Time

More like Piece of Shit. If their goal is to enlighten people and make them ask questions, they're succeeding. It's hard to believe any god or higher power would allow such a horrible band to exist.
91Chevelle
Hats Off To The Bull

It's like Tool but ultra-pussified and radio-friendly. The singer sounds like he's perpetually riddled with anxiety and the instrumentals offer little more than your average cookie-cutter modern rock group. Just an awful sounding band all around.
92ERRA
ERRA

This band is so unequivocally unique and exciting. Literally nobody sounds like them. The way their songs have those guitars and vocals. Wowee! I also loved their singer who sounds like Scott Stapp's tone deaf son. I absolutely love those guitar leads that blend so seamless with the chugging. It's like a sort of dichotomy or something. It's like Opeth but more progressive and exciting. All I can say is wow. Such a unique and emotionally-driven band with unusual songs. Definitely never heard ANYTHING like this before.
93Incubus (USA-CA)
A Crow Left of the Murder...

One of the worst fucking bands I've ever seen live. The guitarist can't hold a lead for shit and the singer looks like some Venice beach-dwelling washout worshipping Zack de la Rocha. I had to deal with so many morons in my age group toting this band as "the future of rock". I've grown weary of boomers constantly harping on their dad rock, but when I see abominable groups like this, I can't help but sympathize with them. While they're not quite as bad as Faith No More with their bullshit pipe organ, cringe rapping, dull instrumentation, and general snobbery, these guys fail to provide anything remotely enticing.
94Revocation
The Outer Ones

I don't know why David Davidson plays a seven string when I doubt he even has seven brain cells in his head. Even his name is fucking stupid. It sounds like something you'd make up to the cops if you got caught holding.
"That's not mine officer, that's my friend David Davidson's coke."
Anyway, this band is the pinnacle of style over substance. Just hyper-compressed, bland technicality with no soul or humanity whatsoever. Total trash and a horrible listening experience. Would not recommend.
95Sleepytime Gorilla Museum
Of Natural History

More like Cockandball Torture Museum. This band is the audio equivalent of a Salvia trip. They have a Vincent Price wannabe singer that's always doing some low talking bullshit or stuff in the higher register that sounds like Tiny Tim. He looks like a psycho crackhead Tony Hawk NPC and dresses like he's on set for a Werner Herzog movie. They also throw in all these annoying chimes, glockenspiels, and other abominable instruments to distract the listener from the fact that they can't write a song for shit. Grab six homeless guys, give them random instruments, and lock them in a room with some overhead mics. They certainly couldn't be any worse than this trash.
96Death
Scream Bloody Gore

Undercooked philosophical lyrics with a limited vocabulary, contrived and predictable riffing, absolutely terrible vocals, and an overall lack of heaviness. The debut should've been called Scream Bloody Bore. I've heard so many people call this the first death metal band. I really don't know what POSSESSED them to make that claim when it's clearly false. If improper bathing, lack of common sense, and laughable arrogance were rolled into a band, Death would be it. The vocals sound like a hungover surfer belching on the Tampa Bay beach. There's no weight or brutality to them at all and frankly they're an embarrassment to the genre. It's also so adorable how they tried to get "progressive" later in their career. Go fuck yourself with your annoying fretless bass bullshit. It's not heavy or brutal, it's not "deep", it's fucking embarrassing. The band sucks at heavy, they suck at prog, so what can they really do? Nothing. This band makes me yearn to be put to death.
97Lou Reed
Transformer

Lou was that one city minstrel fuckstick that called Frank Zappa "pretentious". You'd find more excitement and diversity in Zappa's pack of cigarettes than Reed's whole pathetic discography. His brand of longwinded, pretentious, bland-as-hell songs are only enjoyed by witless arthouse hipsters and sentimental boomers with swiss cheese brains. In a weird way, I almost respect the guy. He made a whole catalogue of music, enticing millions of drugged-up urbanites, without singing a single song on key. His album covers look like posters you'd find hanging in the DMV and he has the voice of a guy who got picked up on a drunk driving arrest.
98Dead Kennedys
Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables

Punk is for tonedeaf, talentless commies who never had the skill to play metal. This band is nothing but a stark reminder of that.
99The Rolling Stones
Sticky Fingers

This band sucks my stones. In my view, there's little to nothing more pathetic than a gang of guys who look like animated corpses parading around in tight leather pretending they're not rapping on death's door. Mick Jagger looks like a melting candle without fire. They called this album Sticky Fingers because the band can't bathe themselves and they've got baklava on their hands from dessert last night. The only rolling they should be doing is in their wheelchairs up the handicap ramp at the Hometown Buffet.
100Muse
Absolution

These radio rock hacks with the broken hair dryer for a singer couldn't possibly have a more ironic name. Anyone who would regard such abominable music as their "muse" should be heavily monitored and diligently psychoanalyzed. The singer has a voice that only a mother could hear, with falsettos that sound like a young panicked Wallace Shawn trapped in a freezer. As far as popular rock groups, these gents are at the bottom of the barrel. Avoid when possible.
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