Review Summary: Four gorgeous Swedish girls, playing thrashy Rock‘n’Roll. Thumbs up to that…
Whilst people slobber over new releases from Metal-giants, Isis and Mastodon, a lesser-known all-female band, Crucified Barbara, have
cooked up a great hard-rock album that
cleans the floor with most of the opposition. Rock out with your clitoris out, because these girlies ain’t gonna take ‘No’ for an answer.
It’s the sophomore LP from punks-turned-rockers/metalheads, Crucified Barbara, which has everything you would expect from a hard rock four-piece. Thumping bass, pounding guitar riffs, and a vocal stab that sounds guttural and caustic; all delivered by leather-clad chicks. Til Death Do Us Party is pretty much flawless. But on the downside, it’s nothing we haven’t heard before. But who cares? This is the band that every man wants to see live – For a few reasons, which don’t need to be explained. But seriously, if these guys come to your town, sell your life, limb, kidney(s) or children, to salvage tickets. Sexy girls, with a don’t-give-a-sh*t attitude, are rocking out and partying til death do us - …well, err, party…
Til Death Do Us Party has been sleeping with your girlfriend for the last two months. When you come home and catch it in the act, it spits in your face, tussles your hair and winks at your moaning girlfriend. You feel pissed off, you run out with revenge on the mind, but ultimately end up spending the night together drinking a cataract of alcohol beverages and draining the tap dry with your new found mate. The ballsy effort is nothing but beer-drenched hard rock that reminds you of the ‘80s glam days (title says it all). No we’re-gonna-rock-f*cking-hard-and-when-you-like-it-we-slip-in-the-women’s-libs-argument attitude to be found on this collection, it’s pure kick-ass material that’s going to rock on and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.
Sounding like something you’d listen to in a drunken stupor, the production is charmingly professional with a ‘live’ coating that would set them up to blast a stage. Heavy metal numbers like
Rats and
Blackened Bones provide semi-highlights of the disc, reminiscent of bands such as Mötley Crüe and Motörhead. But the best orgasms are to be had during the tracks with soaring vocal efforts of Mia Coldheart (love the name) infused in the traditional sound of hard rock.
Pain & Pleasure is a killer recording, with one of the catchiest choruses in a long time. But Mia does not fully exhibit her talents until we reach the mid-tempo power ballad,
Jennyfer (Are they trying to spell Jennifer? They suck…). The acoustic intro is sort-of…
gay, but once Mia breaks her stride, the performance given is something ruggedly beautiful and provides one of the most memorable moments across the board.
The intro to
Creatures pretty much defines this band’s attitude. A whimpering sniffle is heard but then morphs into an acrimonious phlegm-shooting banshee-hail basically laying down the hammer: Crucified Barbara didn’t grow up on Bratz dolls and Avril Lavigne, they were conceived in the pool-room of the pub, and haven’t moved an inch since. Which is why they get tours with Motörhead and get their album produced by Mats Levén. Yes, him.
All it’s missing is an umlaut on a few of the vowels of the band’s title, and some fresh ideas and this could be heralded along with the greats. The magnum opus this is not, although anybody who is unsure whether to get this release, take a look at the top right hand corner, at track number 3: Sex Action. It’s called Sex Action! Case closed.
Crucified Barbara’s “Til Death Do Us Party” is out February 27, 2009 via GMR music
