Review Summary: Because someone had to review it.
As nu-metal was continuing to blow up in the late 90s, so was the style of combining rap with metal thanks to the explosion of bands with mainstream success such as Limp Bizkit, P.O.D, and (hed)pe. Of course with success comes the typical trend of wagon jumpers and lets just say, they came in the heap loads (mostly horrible). One day while wasting away in his jail cell, washed up hair-metal star drummer Tommy Lee was wondering how the heck to get his career back on track. After numerous rap/ metal promotional albums filled up the donation bin in the L.A. County Jail, Tommy (as he’s credited in the album artwork) decided to go sifting through for some inspiration. After finding numerous reject copies of
Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavoured Water and
(hed)pe, Tommy took it upon himself to ride the trend and make the world pay attention to him again. (Un)Forturnately, the world sat back and laughed.
Note: this is simply one of many versions of how this story could have happened.
And so begins an album full of “laugh out load” cocky rapping and two chord songs with a few samples thrown in for good (bad) measure. Musically speaking, this album would have been cool to fourteen year olds two years prior to 1999. Instead, we are subjected to nu-metal song structures so bland that it makes crap smell good. ‘Who the Hell Cares’ perfectly showcases Tommy’s song writing abilities with muted string scratches, sliding power chords, and drum machined verses (sarcasm). ‘Hypocritical’ features one of many guest appearances, Mix Master Mike, who lazily puts together a few half assed beats and some fuzzy synths until Tommy comes in, ripping *** up with his, once again, two chord salute. ‘Get Naked’, the big single off the disc, features some of the worst uses of open chords and actually sinks even lower when the song ‘gets hot’ with Fred Durst and Lil’Kim giving us a sex lesson on “How to ride the cock until you hit spot’. Besides the pseudo rap and metal ‘happening here’, Tommy tries his luck with alternative radio hits (‘New Skin’) and with no surprise, fails miserably as he stumbles over recycled riffs and pathetic lyrics about finding new life outside of jail. Just when you’ve had enough of Tommy rocking out some nu-metal, the remainder of the album is mostly comprised of hilarious rap songs or a complete mess of electronic turd nuggets (courtesy of The Crystal Method).
Speaking of rapping and lyrics, it’s hard to decipher if Tommy is joking or if he is indeed being dead serious with his game. Tommy and his ‘brother’ Tilo team up with a slew of horribly loved artists and probably knock their careers down a notch for actually signing on to such a disastrous project. Besides T and T bringin’ the house down in ‘Who the Hell Cares’, ‘Anger Management’, ‘Get Naked’ and ‘Crash’, about 50% of the albums lyrics lie within the guest appearances. Besides the large guest appearances of Fred Durst and Lil’ Kim on ‘Get Naked’, Snoop Dog tries his luck on ‘Who the Hell Cares’, the ironically invited Kid Rock does his best on ‘New Skin’, and the Filthee Immigrants rap duet with T and T on ‘Proposition *** You’; all with hilariously derivative results. Even though these guest appearances bring hilarity to these unforgiving tunes, the lyrics will bring the milk squirts through the nose yo! Just give ‘Proposition *** You’ a listen and you will soon realize that Tommy has some street cred’ y’all (I believe N.W.A. and Body Count already covered the topic of cop killing ten years prior).
Ladies and gentlemen, it just doesn’t get any worse than this. To think that someone would ever listen to this (or review it for that matter), the actual humiliation lies in the artist’s hands, namely Tommy Lee and his gaggle of homeboy guest appearances. Not that this album was original to begin with, but Tommy’s guest appearances seem to hog a good amount of time on this disc, making this feel like a compilation of trailer trash artists and less like the work of a washed up, hair-metal drummer. Pseudo rap, unsalvageable nu-metal chords, and dance club electronics are pretty much all that can be found here with little entertainment value unless you are either drunk, high, insane, or all three. To think that music can dive this low would be absurd but Tommy Lee has found a way. Jigga, Jigga wHaT!!!
