I know, I know. It's too easy. Justin Bieber practically has a giant red bullseye painted on his preppy clothing. Other reviewers on this site have done a fantastic job of not only reviewing Bieber's "music" as objectively as humanly possible, but also keeping the all-too-easy gay jokes to a bare minimum. This being said, I subjected myself to Bieber's music from this album, to see what all the fuss (almost 500,000,000 views for "Baby" on YouTube) was about. And I can honestly say: I have no idea.
A track-by-track would be so incredibly pointless, because every track is nearly the same. Your enjoyment level of this record is directly related to your "catchy" threshold; that is, your standards to what melodies and lyrics get stuck in your head. The lower, the better; all of these songs will have something for you if you keep low standards in mind. To me, these tracks just became monotonous, simply testing out slight variations on the same formula to see what the public (aka YouTube) wants. Look at the lyrically embarrassing "Eenie Meenie" (with a guest appearance by Sean Kingston), compared to "Baby". 35 million views for the former, and the astronomically high number I mentioned before for the latter (this was looking solely at Vevo, if anyone would like to check for themselves). It's clear what the public wants: In "Baby", Bieber at least looks like a kid, "hanging out" with "friends" in a bowling alley, trying to impress the "one that got away" with his bowling skills. Sure, nobody spontaneously dances about like it's "High School Musical" in a bowling alley, nor is everyone in your bowling group really good at break dancing, but at least that's something that can be marketed as something actual kids do. Now look at "Eenie Meenie". Not only are the lyrics worse than in "Baby" (a feat unto itself), but the video has Bieber trying to look like a playboy at some kind of high-end party, and it just comes across as awkward. And moderately disturbing.
Look, Bieber acting like "a kid" is annoying enough. And nobody can stay young forever. Bieber lost that appeal within this album, and his "newer" facade is even more irritating than his already atrocious first. Marketing execs were likely trying to think of the next "logical" step for Bieber, so they threw him into the awkward role mentioned above. Some things, like Cheez Whiz left out of the refrigerator after opening, simply have a fast expiry date. Justin Bieber is one of them. He's had his 15 minutes of fame, now let it die. The music is bland, soullessly autotuned and repetitive, and every preteen girl has to grow up sometime. Quit while you're still hanging on to integrity by an ever weakening thread. If Justin can break away from this image and maybe write some worthwhile songs, or even do something halfway original, there is still hope for him yet. If this album is any indication of his future, then, simply put, he is doomed to the "washed up teen idol" moniker by the time he hits 20.
