Review Summary: An unforgettable masterpiece.
Picture for a moment – if you can – lying down on the thin, cool surface of a cloud calmly cruising its way through Valhalla, with about 500 angels simultaneously kissing and blowing you and feeding you steak when suddenly the billowing white clouds part and you witness the creation of a universe. Stars and planets and dark matter surround you and fill your vision and you see a ***ton of subatomic particles set into outward motion like another Big Bang. God’s drawing board. After jizzing because it was physically impossible for you to hold your man juice when confronted with the enormity of the multiverse, you suddenly realize everything. You realize that we are not alone in the universe, that God in fact does exist, that Bush did 9/11 and 7/11, that aliens live among us in the form of third-wave feminists and furries, that what lies beyond the observable universe is so unimaginable and monumentally vast that the human mind, noble in reason and infinite in faculty, is wholly incapable of understanding or even remotely comprehending the sheer profundity of the great, vast
unknown.
That sense of shock and awe is nothing compared to the sheer eye-opening euphoria you will experience upon listening to Filthy Frank’s magnum opus, Pink Guy, for the first time.
These are the days of miracle and wonder. The first track, “Anal Beads”, harkens back to unforgettable, emotive classics like “Stairway to Heaven”, “Omens of Love”, and “Dogghouse In Your Mouth”. Pink Guy’s crooning baritone voice is guaranteed to make you simultaneously cry and jizz all over the figurative and literal floor. The way he sings “
I broke a dog’s neck!”… sheer perfection. Filthy Frank’s inner torment and anguish come out of the shadows and into the center stage in songs like “Douchebag” and “Bad Words”, both of which are effective metaphors for the dangers of oligarchism and the wonders of anarcho-syndicalism, summarized beautifully with phrases like “
I hear screaming down the hallways because you’re gay”.
While Pink Guy may seem to be another generic mixtape from a wannabe Soundcloud user, this is hardly the case. Hidden beneath the exterior is an operatic tale of love, war, fear, redemption, and sacrifice, taking place entirely in the titular Pink Guy’s mind during the events of the apocalypse, which are thus described only implicitly as an inside-out attempt to explore Pink Guy’s solipsistic nature and desire to isolate himself from humankind. This masterful album bends and breaks the medium of music is astounding ways, from an artistic angle that I can’t compare to anything else. There hasn’t been such a masterful, psychological work of art since Ren & Stimpy’s Crock O’ Christmas. Songs like the beautiful, terrifying “Bitches Ain’t ***”, the emotive arena rock classic “Dick Pays Rent”, or the absolutely beautiful acoustical ballad “Friendzone” are bound to melt even the hardest of hearts. When Pink Guy’s voice cracks while singing the lines: “
be a mommy's boy and a teacher’s pet, pimple face, asswipe, looking like they just had a gyne-cologist stick five fingers in their ass, no lube”, it isn’t just Pink Guy’s voice cracking. It’s the voice of humanity.
It is an absolutely euphoric experience. So much suffering, so much anguish, so much struggle, and then… release. Letting go and beginning again, with "Animal Man"'s timeless ending:
“You do realize this is a song about killing animals?”
“Oh, let him rap about what he wants. He’s just a boy.”
And only after that does the album pull the plug on Pink Guy’s warped reality and set him free from all the pain and suffering that has infested his life. A masterpiece of songwriting and storytelling. Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.
It will all come tumbling down soon. Tumbling down. Tumbling down.
