BigHans
User

Reviews 118
Approval 96%

Soundoffs 63
Album Ratings 3092
Objectivity 73%

Last Active 11-01-19 7:59 pm
Joined 10-08-09

Review Comments 30,959

 Lists
10.27.22 RIP Spirit ♦12.05.19 Spotify Artist of the Decade
12.03.19 Hans' Decade Jams ♦10.31.19 Hans Halloween Hard Jams Inc ♦
10.09.19 10 Years of Hans ♦08.14.19 Man Buns Need Not Apply - Monster Truck
07.11.19 30k, Up the Irons07.09.19 Metal Hearts (Ballads of Might)
06.24.19 How Am I Not Deaf Yet - 3 Years of Conc06.11.19 Slap My Bass (And Give Me Grooves)
01.24.18 Rec me SWAGGER jams09.13.17 The National "Moments" ♦
08.09.17 Roadhouse Jams05.25.16 Hans' Epic Concert Month
03.05.14 Riffs Of Smash02.26.14 Riffs Of F*cking Fist
02.21.14 The Rad RUSH 5702.17.14 Riff Goddamn City ♦
More »

Sputnik Will And Testament

K so not making a "OMG quitting cause Im sick of Sputnik" list. Just wont be posting much anymore because I wont have a job that will pay me to exclusively surf the net. Being Ive racked up 23k comments in the past two years this will be a sort of a change for me. Below is a list of people off the top of my head I regulary conversed with and things I will leave them. If I forgot you, its because my memory sucks. Bands are bands I associate with the user.
1Atmosphere


Inveigh - Many thanks for countless recs. A Dude among Dudes. I leave you a signed John Goodman poster and a bottle of whiskey.
2Verse


Pit - I leave you my size. My God would you be dangerous in a 6'1 250 pound frame. Also many thanks and most of all, peace of mind.
3Alice in Chains


Maniac - I leave you 14 years of experience. You know what Im talking about. You'll need it.
4Tori Amos


Omni - my sports knowledge and a free lesson in how to metal. And my TT addiction. Wait, you already have it.
5Limp Bizkit


Feit - I think Ive dispensed enough free advice to you over the years. Ill give you my 1987 Twins Homer Hankie. World Champs playa.
6Daylight Dies


Apollo - A year ago I would have said anger management classes but I think you've come around bro. I leave you my acoustic guitar so you can make more Youtube vids of Johnny Cash songs.
7Bane


ConsiderPhlebas. Actually, can you leave me your writing ability? I leave you free "how to be a MURICAN" lessons.
8Iron Maiden


Notrap - you seem to already have it all dude. I leave you my entire Hip Hop collection so you can connect with the youngsters on TT.
9Death


KILL - a signed copy of Invisible Touch and season tickets to any hand egg team of your choice.
10Budgie


Sonic - 2 years on your life, so you're no longer grounded hard and can be the metal beast you truly are.
11Some gay black metal band


Angel - every formulaic song I own, and my pico de gallo recipe. Probably the only thing I can make better than you cause I can make it better than anyone. My grandma even told me so.
12Some gay prog band


Progmaster - 1. counseling for your overpowering narcissistic disorder. 2. the same thing I gave Maniac. 3. Props for the good bands you like 4. a penis pump.
13Hollywood Undead


Academy - my entire Radiohead, Metallica, and Beatles collection. Any my knowledge of 80s horror movies, which you cannot possibly match. Ok maybe not. RIP DIME
14Judas Priest


Nagrarok - I give you the contributor status you should have gotten about a year and a half ago.
15Mountain Goats


Redsky - Actually, can you give me guitar lessons? I give you my intimate knowledge of the Republican party and an invite to hang out if I ever get back to LA. And go to Casa Vega already.
16Metallica


Chambered - the biggest fucking bong you can find.
17Radiohead


Rabbit - all of my college recipies, my Hold Steady collection, and the correct way to rank Radiohead.
18Some pop punk shit


andcas - free vouchers on "how to get by after quitting scene" classes, and a signed copy of a Newfoundglory album
19some gay black metal shit


Hawks - your own tumblr for your Facebook posts. Shit is hilarious. Any recs for whatever binge youre going on next. Dig hard.
20Opeth


MetallicOpeth - my beer gut. Youre gonna develop one someday anyway. Brofist.
21M83


Klapper - a signed copy of The Book of Basketball and Whiskeytowns first album.
22some gay emo band


Sea - my music taste. You know you ache for it. Pine for it. Scream for it.
23Dozer


Greg84 - Contributor status. You would make a good one. Riff hard.
24some post hardcore scene band


Dnor - I would say my experience with the ladies but you have destroyed almost as much as me and youre ten years younger. Actually, I demand you give me a ticket to South Beach
25The Hold Steady


Satty - de-Hipstering lessons, a Tigers word series (gonna happen this year), and my Boys and Girls in America review. And a big fat juicy bloody dripping greasy grass fed slab of cow flesh.
26The Mars Gayta


Ire - 1. citizenship. 2. kidding. 3. Congrats for when you finally turn 21 and can actually enjoy the place you live in the way its supposed to be. 4. Hair metal recs
27Genesis


Jethro - my Invisible Touch review, and my first Dream Theater tape. Its when I first got my prog on, he should appreciate that.
28I have no idea


RecSpecs - European citizenship because you live in America and we dont take kindly to soccer round here. Have you even heard of the NFL?
29Yellowcard


Sowing - your very own diary, and a gig at Rolling Stone
30Some obscure Indie band


Downer - a gig at Pitchfork. Pretty sure you would be awesome there. I mean that in a good way, actually.
31Some folk/indie band


Irving - grammar lessons (kidding). Many thanks for all the kind comments.
32Dropkick Murphys


mallen - If you ever come back here again, you should be staff.
33every commercial band ever


Davey - memories for the 4 times Ive seen Def Leppard, my Hysteria tape, and big ups for knowing how to rawk.
34some gay black metal band


Tyraelxy - a few ounces of MURICAN testosorine and the credit you never get for your reviews.
35Clutch


Wolfhorde - a case of American beer and your very own Samarui sword.
36I have no idea


Cone - professional help. Seek it. Please. For the love of God.
37Animal Collective


Weeping - a big old hairy fist fresh from your mother.
38Brand New


Chan - sorry that everybody hated you for a day after you outed me as the Analyzer. I leave you with my Ratt and Warrant collection.
39Aspid


Ovrot - dont ever cut your hair man. Keep thrashing.
40AC/DC


LepreCon - a Fender strat, and fame as the next lead guitarist for The Darkness.
41Diamond Head


Raven - Self-Awareness. YOu have great taste man but every time you create an alt we know its you. I give you more ninja alt stealth.
42some obscure dubstep band


Dev - what can you give the man who has it all? Another 500 gigs of music and a truckload of glowsticks and ecstacy.
43Danzig


Balls - Eastern European citizenship, on set passes at the next Jersey Shore filming, and a bowie knife for when you eventually shun society and live in the woods and sacrifice animals to some norse God you invented in your head.
44Down


DominionMM1 - a take back for the Saints and their bounty program. Sorry bro.
45Some Satanic crap metal


Fade - an arm wresetling match in Jaymz Hetfield, some, any music taste, and a signed copy of Apators latest masterpiece.
46Modern Life is War


Dante - a razor and beard trimmer. And a Seahawks championship in 2019.
47Some gay deathcore shit


Mappy - a razor and a beard trimmer, and free sexual identity classes.
48Creed


Gmork - Scott Stapp's autobiography and tickets to a Clutch show
49DC Talk


Mimsy - continued strength to lead the Sputnik God Squad.
50Some obscure punk band


Porch - an appreciation for melodic punk. Like the Hold Steady. Get on board already. God damn it.
51Dream Pop?


Bloc - Chester Bennintons personal diary and my entire 80s pop collection
5290s alt post grunge any album


random - actually, I demand you finally tell me and Inveigh who you are.
53Pantera


Someguest - all of my sophmore year philosophy essays and a ticket to the Billy Graham Crusade.
54White Zombie


MetalStyles - my signed Disturbed CD
55some gay black metal shit


Crysis - lessons on how to rawk
56My Bloody Valentine


Yeti - a chance meeting with Big KRIT and rawk lessons.
57Third Eye Blind


JWT155 - my framed photo of me with George W Bush and my old application for college Republicans. Keep up the good work, young Capitalist. Oh, and my TEB review.
58Meshuggah


Relinquished - Karate lessons
59Lamb of God


Josh D - an industrial sized smoker and a reminder that the Cowboys rule Texas.
60Alter Bridge


Ties - all of my obscure music knowledge. I mean Im no Angel, but.
61Bomb the Music Industry


UhhKris - My Gold Cobra review
62Metallica


RosaParks - tickets to see Larry the Cable Guy and a free spa day
63Anthrax


Willie - props as the best Mod in Sputnik history. And my old beat up copy of Practice What You Preach
64no clue man


AIDS - the cure
65KISS


Return to Rock - lessons on how to love hair metal on Sputnik and not have everyone make fun of you.
66Slayer


Jesuslaves - a forced 24 hour listening period of Vulgar Display of Power
67Lil Wayne


Qwe - ugly lessons. Youre too pretty. I mean for Christ sakes, youre an Aussie. I give you Weezys Syzzrup recipe.
68Alexisonfire


Spec - a few pounds. for the love of God man, eat something. I give you my Bob Dylan collection. I have no idea why.
69Volbeat


Watch it Explode - duh. My Volbeat reviews and collection
70The Hold Steady


Kirgasm - props that you write about the Hold steady better than me.
71Black metal yeah


Wizard - a renewal of the legendary status you already posess.
72The Ghost Inside


Winsomniac - free lessons on how to properly JUNZ
73Bon Iver


Blindsided - I dont think my fellow Minnesota bro posts anymore but I hope we run into each other at a show in Minny someday.
74Horrorcore


Dryden - professional help. Seek it. Keep it m/
75Cold


Romulus - my Cold CD collection and a video of Grover getting his ass beat
76Motley Crue


Spirit - my own copy of the Dirt, jizz stains and all.
77some gay grind band


Alacahol - a year at finishing school, and a tatoo of the lyrics to Lady in red
78Ugh


Hyperion - the 11 minute black metal demo I just cut in my basement yesterday. It will blow your mind.
79dont know


Pizza Machine. an offer to beat up anybody who calls you the Sherminator and props on your reviewing tenacity
80August Burns Red


KIMM - Maniac's undying love and devotion
81Sublime


Hep Kat - see what I gave Chambered.
82Mac Lethal


Urinetrouble. all of my Mac reviews and a few snowdays at school.
83WASP
JT - best taste in Sput history actually, you dont need anything
84Band
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